emotions + neuroscience + goals + coaching = ? 🌱

It’s not-so-hard to pause and reflect about “how are things going?” What’s more nuanced, and important, is to add two dimensions: How are your feelings and behaviors contributing to how things are going?

Our current state is partly shaped by externalities, such as global pandemics, or economic conditions, or getting hit by a car, or having an aging family member. They’re also shaped by our responses to those external factors. Emotions start as an automatic response, but we have a lot of choice about what happens next. How do we think about the feeling? How do we make meaning from the experience? What do we do?

One of the simply-powerful aspects of Six Seconds’ methodology is tuning into our own learned patterns: Noticing how we’re frequently reacting to certain stimuli. 

In the Personal Annual Report creator, I invite people to consider feelings that have been frequent visitors in the last 6-12 months, and then to notice: What patterns am I following around these feelings?

For example, in my own Personal Annual Report, here’s an inventory of some frequent thoughts, feelings, and actions:

One problematic pattern I identified from this inventory: When I feel urgency, I push on without resting.

Often people set goals around what they’ll do. “I’ll write a book.” “I’ll exercise more.” “I’ll go get my degree.” This can be awesome! And, when we get stuck, they become deeply problematic and fuel our own internal resistance. We get into the blame game, and a cycle of despair and disempowerment. 

These DO-focused goals often depend on what’s outside of our control. You start writing the book, but a publisher rejects you. You start exercising more, but you get shin splints. You start on your degree, but your work schedule gets too busy. Now, not only is the goal stalled, but we’ve made ourselves victims of the external factors.

So, let’s try a different approach. What if we set goals that were not dependent on external factors? One way is to set goals that are less about DOing and more about BEing.

At Six Seconds, one of our essential competencies is called Pursue Noble Goals. It’s a way to put your overarching sense of purpose into words – and then to live it. In the Personal Annual Report creator, I put in a couple exercises about reviewing or creating a Noble Goal… and then a question that I’ve found super-helpful in coaching:

Who is your Noble Goal inviting you to be?

In my 2023 Annual Report, I wrote my Noble Goal and the invitation as: “To inspire compassionate wisdom… inviting me to be more caring, open, giving, connected, learning, vulnerable.”

The Annual Report then goes on to encourage people to use optimism to envision lots of ways to do that – this is a great topic for coaching.

As you consider moving toward the future state, acknowledge there are obstacles… we’re trying to make change and improve in a context that may create countervailing forces. In the Annual Report, one question is: What are some ways the global ‘State of the Heart’ and what’s happening in the world are affecting you?

Then, make a plan to move forward anyway. Those external barriers are real, and often deeply problematic (and even evil), but they’re not all-powerful. So, what supports will help you (and your clients) step forward anyway? This calls for a unique form of action plan. The Personal Annual Report uses OKRs, Objective & Key Results, with a twist. Try this question in coaching: What patterns will support you to step toward these goals?

Here’s part of my “smarter action plan” from my Personal Annual Report

Coaching is a fantastic way to build in those supports. If you’d like to try working with an exceptionally gifted coach grounded in emotional intelligence, contact us and we’ll be glad to connect you.