Hi there!
Thank you for sending TONS of survey responses on what you’d like to see next with Illuminate.
And so… Illuminate’s very first virtual workshop is coming!
The first topic is perfectionism. I had a blast diving into the research on one of my most personally-applicable topics. Click here to learn more + feel free to respond to this e-mail to ask me any questions!
To celebrate the topic of the workshop, we will enjoy a three-part series with topics around perfectionism: making mistakes, our root beliefs about ourselves, and self-compassion.
Illuminate: Perfectionism, Pt 1
I want to get started on writing these 3 e-mails to you about perfectionism because I care so deeply about the subject, but, honestly, it’s been difficult.
I feel stuck and hesitant. For weeks, they have been on my to-do list, but I can’t seem to get them started. When I open up my computer to write, I find myself flipping to Facebook or my e-mails, nervously avoiding the absence of words on this draft. I am falling back on an old thought pattern I frequently use when I need to produce something I care about. I think: I am afraid I won’t do it justice. I put a lot of pressure on myself to make no mistakes + to make it, well, perfect.
And what I just described to you, of course, is procrastination: A classic bad habit of perfectionism.
Perfectionism is the excessive fear of making mistakes. Research shows that it increases the likelihood of all kinds of sad + harmful detriments: from procrastination to increased cortisol (stress) levels to suicide.
This week, I invite you to pay attention to how perfectionism, or the fear of making mistakes, shows up in your life.
1: Think of an event coming up during which you might make a mistake
It could be in producing something, like me with these emails. Or it could be social (ie, ‘I am finally going to talk to my kid about his grades; I hope I don’t screw it up!’ Or ‘I better wear the right thing to that party!’)
2: Write down your thoughts, feelings, and actions around this upcoming event
T:
For example, my initial thoughts around writing this email series oscillates between ‘I’ve been taking way too long to do get to this!’ and ‘This is so important! I have to do it well!’
F:
For example, for me, my primary feelings are nervous and excited.
A:
For example, my primary action is procrastinating! I could add over-thinking, too.
If you’d like to dive into your perfectionist habits more deeply, keep track of your TFAs through the week leading up to (and during!) the event.
REFRESH + RENEW EVERY MONDAY WITH ILLUMINATE IN YOUR INBOX!
How does the fear of making mistakes show up in your life? What are some thoughts/ feelings/ actions that stem from this fear?
Would you label yourself as a perfectionist? Why or why not?
Illuminate is a weekly e-mail series that provides practical tips + galvanizing inspirations for practicing an emotionally intelligent life. In our time together, we’ll operate from the assumption that you have all the wisdom you need inside of yourself + that you have a purpose the world needs to see. We will explore the tools + techniques to illuminate your own inner wisdom and purpose. If you’d like to receive this free gift of goodness in your inbox every week, subscribe here.
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Thanks Maria for taking up an important topic where I could see a reflection of myself. I became conscious of being a perfectionist at a certain stage by observing the symptoms you mentioned and made an effort to get out of it. It really needs a consistent and sustained effort as we tend to relapse to the hardwired mindset. It’s crucial to get to know and accept ‘To err is human’.
<3 Indeed, Tauqir. "To err is human". I love that. Thank you.