I’ve been spending a bit of time lately trying to ‘feel’ things without the usual accompanying thoughts in my head. This, it turns out, is exceptionally difficult for me! I do ‘feel’ a lot and often use those feelings to help me navigate through my life. However, in some ways, I have a brain that I rarely turn off and it seems sometimes that thoughts and emotions are so interconnected for me that I don’t separate the two.
The first thing I noticed is that just relaxing and trying to ’feel’ with no thoughts attached, just acknowledging my feelings, is tough for me at this point in the process. The next strategy I tried was to ask myself “Are you feeling _____?” “How about ________?” This worked pretty well but then left me feeling a bit rudderless, still unable to linger in a feeling even after identifying it, partly because my brain was leaping ahead and thinking about the feeling and what to do with it.
I spent a few days working on this and I came up with a ‘template’ for myself I’m calling thoughts_to_feelings that helps to get me into a space where I can make contact with my emotions and then stay in contact for a while, without thinking about the ‘why’.
At any given time there is always a ‘current event’, if you will, in my head and heart. Something I’m mulling over and having feelings about. I decided on the third day to start with that current event. I then took myself through a series of questions about that situation and identified the feelings I was feeling and, most importantly, allowed myself to rest there for a few moments or for as long as I wanted to. Here is my template of questions for myself:
What is my ‘Current Event’?
What is the overriding feeling about this?
What are the other feelings floating around?
What have I felt about this in the past?
Why did I feel that way?
Do I still feel that way?
Today what do I feel?
Next Steps?
This may seem like a lot of thinking about feelings but the result was that this worked beautifully! I had a wonderful ‘feeling’ experience and ended up crying tears of absolute joy afterwards. I have worked some with this basic template each day since. Often it’s the same current event (I have a big one in my life right now!) but that’s okay with me. I have no agenda except to practice feeling and this process is helping me immensely. For me, this is a journey and a chance to quite intentionally work on this important skill that I want to improve. I wanted to make sure to treat myself kindly and not be disappointed that this was hard for me but rather, to ask myself what it would take to move forward. I know I will get better at doing this and won’t always need to follow this prescribed course but this opened the door for me. I hope we all try to treat ourselves kindly when we realize that something is hard for us and praise ourselves when we make progress, even slightly, in the direction we want to go. The experience of success helps us want to continue and makes for a positive experience we want to keep repeating!
Alex Russell
Alex is a Program Manager for Six Seconds focused on implementing effective social emotional learning programs with schools and educational organizations. She conducts research on school climate and the links between EQ and success.
to Alex Russell,
Hallo Alex,
I have red your piece about feelings and the spinning thinking of our brain. Thank you for sharing this crusial aspect in dealing with feelings. Feelings and the way to live with it is one of the most spiritual aspects in my life.
What you experienced as new and and that it has given you a beautifull experience, is called in Avatar (USA – Harry Palmer): ‘no-responce’ attitude.
one of the most important learning I had by doing and learning Avatar.
This means to not react in any way to a feeling than to only feel the feeling over the flow of length that it will / seems to perform in me, and to not react by my mind at all.
It has helped me in doing so in many ways / situations.
Meditation during this period also has a very supporting affect on the average well-being.
I followed sevaral courses in Avatar as mentioned above
(Palmer) and also from one of my teachers Shyamji Bathnagar (India): Innertuning.com
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By the way, by Joshua Freedman, the World Congres of Emotional Intelligence in 2005 (in Holland that year), invited me to give sessions and spread information about my book ‘the Timeless Hour’.
This gives you a slide idea of the link we share through Joshua Freedman and how I read about your message!
On my website you can find the English version of the information about this book in ‘learning by doing’.
Thanks and all the best in life.
Michiel.