6 Ways Emotional Intelligence Makes Decision Making Easier

1. Your Brain Wants a Payoff: Use That to Your Advantage

Your brain’s reward system is constantly scanning for outcomes that feel good, and it plays a major role in how you make decisions. When a choice offers immediate emotional payoff (like relief, satisfaction, or connection), your brain flags it as more valuable and prioritizes it for you. The catch? Under stress, that system tends to prioritize short-term comfort over long-term goals.

Emily Falk’s research shows that tapping into emotional and social rewards — like feeling purposeful or proud — can activate that same circuitry and help shift decisions from reactive to intentional. We know from other research that altruistic behavior, like giving or helping others activates the brain’s reward pathways, reinforcing the powerful connection between purpose, social connection, and positive emotion.

EQ Tip:
Think about your decision in terms of the good it will do for you and for others. Ask: What would feel good now, and help me feel proud later? Bonus: If the choice benefits someone else too, your brain is even more likely to see it as worthwhile. Purpose and connection aren’t just noble — they’re neurologically rewarding.

2. Phone a Friend: Why Connection Makes Decisions Easier

Falk also found that when people around us care about something, our brain tends to care more too. This “social valuation effect” means that seeing others act with purpose can increase the perceived value of that same action in your brain.

Dr Falk says “when the people around us care about something, our valuation system is inclined to value it more, too. People make healthier eating choices, get more exercise, choose to donate more to charity and are more likely to vote when they see that others value those decisions. The same tools work for other decisions as well.”
(Source: The Neuroscience of Making a Decision, The New York Times, July 2025)

Connection isn’t just emotional: it’s neurologically efficient. Sharing your options, talking through uncertainty, or even “feeling seen” when you are making tough choices reduces stress and strengthens commitment.

EQ Tip: Struggling with a choice? Talk it out. Ask someone, “What would you do—and why?” You don’t need to take their advice, but hearing how others think helps your brain see more clearly and decide with more confidence.

3. Automate the Small Stuff with If/Then Planning

Some decisions don’t need deep reflection, they just need a signal. Behavioral scientists call this implementation intention: setting a simple if/then rule that ties a behavior to a specific cue. It works because it moves you from endless deliberation into automatic action, saving mental energy for what really matters.
If/then planning helps you bridge where you are and where you want to be. Wellbeing research works by letting you imagine your desired future and anticipate the obstacles that might get in the way. This connects to the Six Seconds EQ competency Activate Consequential Thinking, when we can pause, look ahead, and plan for what comes next, we make intentional choices.

EQ Tip:
Use if/then planning to reduce friction and make helpful habits easier to follow, especially when your emotional energy is low. Choose something you want to do more often and anchor it to a moment in your routine.
→ If I finish lunch early, then I’ll step outside for 5 minutes.
→ If I feel overwhelmed, then I’ll take 3 slow breaths before responding.

Give your brain a map to the future you want to create.

4. Is It Me or Just My Comfort Zone Talking?

Before we decide what to do, our brain checks who we are. Neuroscience shows that the brain’s self-relevance system asks, “Is this me?” before “Is this good?” We assign more value to choices that reinforce our current identity, even if those choices aren’t the most aligned with our growth.

As Falk explains in her Fast Company interview: “We tend to favor choices that reinforce our existing identity, sometimes at the cost of new opportunities and experiences.” That bias toward the familiar can offer stability but also trap us in indecision or in patterns we’ve outgrown.

EQ Tip:
Use emotional intelligence to slow down that snap-judgment wiring. Before choosing, ask:
→ Which option feels most like “me”?
→ Which one helps me become who I want to be?
Let your decision be an invitation to evolve, not just a reflection of comfort.

Try the “Me / Not Me/ Me I Want to Be” worksheet
Instead of just weighing pros and cons, this EQ practice helps you sort choices based on values and identity.
→ Give a +1 when an option aligns with your current or aspirational self
→ Give a –1 when it reinforces something you’re trying to move past

It won’t make the choice for you, but it will help you move from stuck to steady — with a “yes” that feels more like you.

📥 Download the worksheet →

5. The Endowment Effect: We Overvalue the Familiar

Ever hold onto a belief or plan just because it’s familiar, even when it’s no longer helpful? That’s the endowment effect at work. The endowment effect was first introduced by behavioral economist Richard Thaler in the 1980s. It describes a cognitive bias where people assign more value to things simply because they own them, irrespective of objective market value (ever had a grandmother tell you how valuable the paintings in her apartment were?)

The same holds true for ideas we get attached to. Neuroscience shows that we tend to overvalue what we’ve already committed to (including our ideas, past decisions, and mental models) making change feel risky. This cognitive bias engages brain areas like the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, which reinforces a sense of ownership and emotional attachment to what’s already “ours” (Kahneman et al., 1990; The Decision Lab). Whether it’s a job, habit, or thought pattern, familiarity can make it easy to stay even when better options exist.

EQ Tip:
When indecision pulls you toward the familiar, pause and ask:
→ Is this right—or just comfortably familiar?
→ Am I resisting change, or is this really what I want?

6. Reframe for Double Wins: Pleasure + Purpose

Falk’s research shows that decisions combining immediate satisfaction with long-term meaning create powerful motivators. They ignite our self-transcendent values (like nurturing relationships or contributing to something bigger) whether through small acts of kindness, generosity, or service. Neuroimaging research shows that this engages our brain’s reward circuitry, lighting up the mesolimbic reward pathway, activating social attachment regions which signal profound emotional satisfaction and reduced threat response. Read more about altruism and the brain here.

EQ Tip:
When a decision feels dull or draining or obligatory, shift your mindset:

Instead of “I should eat a salad to stay healthy,” try “I’m choosing colorful, delicious food that energizes me and honors my commitment to wellness.”

You win 2x when you can combine what feels good now and gets you closer to who you want to be later.