87 Ways to Be Kind and Loving

by Anabel Jensen & Alexandra Tanon Olsson

Whether it’s with loved ones or strangers, it never hurts to treat people with kindness. Here are 87 ideas – and a free activity – to #GrowKindness. 

Sometimes kindness feels easy—like second nature. Other times, it feels impossible. You want to be loving, but you’re tired, overwhelmed, or frustrated by events in your life or in the world. Maybe your fists clench, your thoughts swirl, and you can’t seem to reach that gentler place inside of you. Some of us even let those feelings spill out in negative words or careless actions.

And sometimes, we simply don’t know what to do. We feel the tug to act, but we’re not sure where to start. I’ve been there too. But the thing is: kindness isn’t about always feeling warm and generous. It’s about choosing to act with love, even when it’s hard.

That’s why I created this list—not as a checklist to “do more,” but as a well you can return to when you feel stuck. Think of it as gentle prompts to shift your perspective, open your heart, and reconnect with the deeper purpose inside you. Because here’s the thing: when you’re kind, you don’t just help someone else—you help yourself.

When I feel blocked or frustrated, I like to pause and remind myself: the love in my heart points to a better way forward. The best antidote to negative feelings is often a small act of love—even when I don’t feel like it.

That’s what this list is: 87 ways to be kind and loving. The next time you feel stuck or unsure how to act with kindness, you can return to it and find inspiration.

Please share this list freely—because the world can never have too much kindness and love.

The Neuroscience of Kindness: How Acts of Love Change Your Brain and Body 

But first, why does kindness matter? At its core, kindness is more than “being nice.” It’s the glue that brings us closer to one another – creating trust, belonging, and a sense of shared humanity. On a personal level, it gives us a deep sense of purpose and meaning—reminding us that our lives touch others in ways that matter, and we are never truly alone.

Science also shows that kindness is not only emotional. It isn’t just good for the world around us—it’s good for your heart, mind, and body too. Kindness may look like a small action on the outside—a smile, a kind word, a thoughtful gesture—but inside your body, something profound happens. Each act of kindness triggers chemical changes in the brain and nervous system, releasing hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. These neurochemicals shape how you feel in the moment, strengthen your emotional resilience, deepen your connections with others, and support your overall well-being.

What Happens in the Brain and Body

Neuroscience shows that acts of kindness change the brain in powerful ways. When you reach out with love:

• Your brain releases oxytocin, the hormone that deepens connection and even protects your heart.
• Dopamine and serotonin boost your mood, creating the “helper’s high.”
• Cortisol, the stress hormone, decreases, calming your nervous system.

So if you’ve ever thought, “Does it really matter if I smile at that stranger?” or “Will it make a difference if I leave a kind note for my partner?” the answer is: YES. On a biological, emotional, and spiritual level—it matters more than you think.

When you act with kindness, your brain and body respond in ways that are both immediate and lasting. Here’s a closer look at what’s happening behind the scenes:

Oxytocin – The Bonding Hormone
When you do something kind—like giving a genuine compliment, holding a loved one’s hand, or even making eye contact with a stranger—your brain releases oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone.”

• When it’s released: Physical touch, moments of empathy, or acts that build trust.
• What it does: Oxytocin lowers blood pressure, reduces stress, and strengthens social bonds.
• How it feels: A warm sensation in your chest, a sense of connection, and often a subtle calm that lingers after the interaction.

For example, think about hugging a friend after a hard day or consoling someone who’s upset. That quiet moment of closeness isn’t just emotionally soothing—your brain is literally releasing oxytocin, calming your nervous system and deepening the bond between you.

Dopamine & Serotonin – The “Helper’s High”
Kindness also triggers dopamine and serotonin, neurotransmitters that regulate mood and reward. This is what creates the “helper’s high.”

• When it’s released: Anytime you give, share, or contribute—like buying coffee for a stranger, helping a neighbor, or leaving an encouraging note.
• What it does: Boosts mood, improves focus, and enhances overall emotional well-being.
• How it feels: A rush of satisfaction, lightness, and sometimes even a spark of joy or energy.

It’s why something as simple as holding the door open or leaving a kind comment online can make you feel genuinely good. Your brain is reinforcing these behaviors because generosity is biologically rewarding.

Cortisol – Stress Levels Drop
Kindness doesn’t just give “feel-good” chemicals—it also reduces the stress hormone cortisol.

• When it lowers: During acts of compassion, gratitude, or generosity, especially when the act connects you with another person.
• What it does: Lowers heart rate and blood pressure, relaxes muscles, and calms your nervous system.
• How it feels: Your shoulders loosen, your breath deepens, and a sense of tension melts away.

Imagine a moment when someone unexpectedly lets you merge in traffic, or a neighbor offers to help carry groceries. That release of cortisol doesn’t just make you feel lighter in the moment—it helps your body recover from stress.

The Ripple Effect in Your Brain
Practicing compassion and generosity strengthens the regions responsible for empathy and self-control, gradually rewiring your brain to respond with patience, understanding, and resilience. With practice, these small acts make it easier to choose compassion over frustration. And even when kindness feels hard—especially in moments of stress or challenge—that’s exactly when it’s most healing. Not just for others—but for you.

Kindness at Home: Simple Ways to show Love to Family and Friends

It’s funny how kindness can sometimes feel hardest with the people we love most. We assume they already know how we feel. Or we get caught up in routines and forget how much small gestures matter.

But when you pause and choose to act with tenderness, it makes a difference. A soft word, a thoughtful note, a gentle hug—these things shift the emotional climate of a home.

(Notice how each of these choices, even the smallest ones, carries a powerful ripple. Neuroscience tells us that when we say “I love you” with intention or pause to listen without interrupting, we’re strengthening not only the relationship, but also our own emotional regulation and sense of purpose. Tiny acts matter more than we realize.)

Here are some simple ways to put this into action:

1. Surprise them with an unexpected visit or phone call.
2. Give them a big hug.
3. Express your empathy. Often the greatest gift we can someone else is the gift of empathy. This short video from Brené Brown does a great job of explaining the difference between sympathy and empathy – and why empathy is so amazing.
4. Give them a handwritten card or letter.
5. Babysit for free. To new parents especially, this can mean the world. I have done this several times for my neighbors after the toddler went to bed. I could stay there in case the child woke up, but almost always I simply read my book on the couch and let the parents have a well-deserved break to go get a glass of wine.
6. Write them a letter.
7. Make them a meal. When my partner had surgery and I felt stretched very thin, the frozen meals that our loved ones had brought over made such a difference.
8. Go visit your parents. Tell them how much you appreciate them (or at least one thing about them you appreciate).
9. Treat them to their favorite coffee.
10. Say ‘I love you’ with meaning.
11. Tell them how wonderful they are and how happy you are to have them in your life.
12. Ask, “How can I help you?”
13. Make them a cup of tea
14. Listen to them carefully without interrupting
15. Say, “I’m sorry.”
16. Buy them a gift from the dollar store.
17. Help with a household chore.
18. Tell them you wish you understood.
19. Bring them Ibruprofen for their headache.
20. Invite them to play.
21. Acknowledge and respect their feelings even if you feel they are not accurate / appropriate.
22. Hold their hand.
23. Buy them a small chocolate (but not if they’re on a diet. :-))
24. Gently wash and dress their cut/wound.
25. Tell them about the best part of the day you just spent with them.
26. Let them sleep.
27. Offer them a drink of water.
28. Wear or use a gift they gave you in their presence.
29. Keep that sigh to yourself.
30. Use a kind voice even if you have to fake it.
31. Listen for the feelings behind the words.
32. Put chocolate chips in their pancakes.
33. Visit a sick friend.
34. Run them a bath.
35. Give a new mom her own gift.
36. Respect someone’s wishes.
37. Write messages of love and put them in their lunches.
38. Choose a book they might like and lend it to a friend.
39. Take the garbage out for a friend.
40. Hold them while they cry.
41. Give them a chocolate bandaid.
42. Invite them over for scones and clotted cream.
43. Send a copy of a photo to the person in it.
44. Make someone else’s bed.
45. Share your knowledge with someone who needs it.
46. Share herbs from your garden.
47. Share a good recipe.

None of these require hours of planning or money. But they remind the people we love: you matter, you’re seen, you’re not alone.

Kindness with Strangers: The Unexpected Power of Small Gestures 

There’s something especially moving about kindness that comes from someone you don’t know. It catches us off guard, reminding us that we’re connected to each other, even in small ways.

Maybe it’s holding the door when your hands are full, or paying for someone’s coffee. Maybe it’s stopping to talk with an elderly neighbor, or smiling at the person who looks like they’ve had a hard day.

These tiny gestures create what psychologists call a “micro-moment of connection”—a brief spark that nourishes both people. Even if you never see that person again, your nervous system carries that memory.Sometimes those little kindnesses stay with people for years.

Here are ways to spread kindness beyond your circle:

1. Take a rose to someone in the home for the elderly. Or simply go there with the intention of connecting and conversing with someone.
2. Say please and thank you.
3. Let someone go first through a door.
4. Buy a box of cookies and offer them around.
5. Carry someone’s bags.
6. Pick up some trash.
7. Be extra polite.
8. Donate your “read” books to the library.
9. Buy a sandwich for the person asking for cash in front of the grocery store.
10. Hold up your hand in thanks when other drivers let you through.
11. Welcome new people to your neighborhood, school, club, etc. – Community is an essential part of a happy life, but it’s also something that many of us feel is missing. A simple phone call or message of welcome can really mean the difference to someone who is in a new, vulnerable situation.
12. Hold a door open for someone.
13. Buy a stranger lunch. The last time this happened to me, I was traveling in Guatemala – and it touched me very deeply.
14. Put change in an expiring meter.
15. Offer up your seat.
16. Return a misplaced or lost item.
17. Smile at every stranger at the mall.
18. Donate your unwanted items
19. Send off a care package to the military.
20. Share your homegrown vegetables.
21. Pay for a strangers bridge toll.
22. Write Post-It notes with encouraging messages and leave them in library books.
23. Write a thank you note.
24. Leave some change at the coffee machine.
25. Let people through in traffic.
26. Use a compost bin and recycle as much as possible.
27. Acknowledge someone else’s kindness to you.
28. Leave a tip plus another dollar.
29. Pay a compliment.
30. Leave your old magazines in waiting rooms.
31. Volunteer.
32. Buy some flowers and give them out.
33. Let someone go ahead at the checkout.
34. Be patient when you want to yell.
35. Water someone’s drying / dying flowers.
36. Let someone cut in line at the movie theater.
37. Listen carefully to what someone is really passionate about.
38. Ask a customer service person genuinely how they’re doing.
39. Invite someone who recently moved to town for coffee.
40. Be extra patient and understanding.

Choosing Kindness When It Feels Hard

Let’s be honest: some days, kindness feels out of reach. Stress, exhaustion, or anger can make it seem easier to shut down.

That’s exactly when kindness matters most. Not the big, showy kind—but the simple choices: keeping the sigh to yourself, softening your tone, pausing before reacting.

Each time you choose kindness in hard moments, you’re literally rewiring your brain—strengthening the pathways for empathy and self-control. You’re practicing being the kind of person you want to be.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing up, again and again, with small acts of love.

The Ripple Effect: Why Kindness is a Purpose in Itself

Think about the last time someone was unexpectedly kind to you. Maybe it was a stranger who let you cut in line, or a friend who showed up with dinner when you were exhausted. Chances are, you still remember it—and maybe you even paid it forward.

That’s the ripple. One choice can change a whole chain of interactions. And in a world that often feels fractured, these ripples are how we heal.

Kindness is not a distraction from your “real” purpose. It is purpose. It’s how we live into the truth that we are connected, that our lives are woven together.

Start Your Kindness Journey Today

If this feels overwhelming, start with just one thing. Pick one act of kindness today and notice what shifts in you. Maybe your mood lightens. Maybe your shoulders relax. Maybe you feel a sense of meaning you hadn’t felt before.

And if you’d like to bring kindness into your family, classroom, or team, even simple gestures can make a real difference. Because there can never be too much kindness in the world, and each of us—today, right now—has the power to create a ripple.

Let’s #GrowKindness, together.