Do you want to know how to practice emotional intelligence? What are specific, tangible steps to take to respond more carefully (instead of reacting on autopilot)?
At Six Seconds, our vision is one billion people practicing the skills of emotional intelligence by 2039. So I asked our world-wide network of certified practitioners: What would you recommend for people to practice EQ to be more intentional and less volatile?
How to Practice Emotional Intelligence: 15+ Tips for Choice
Some favorite practical tips from the global EQ community
What would you recommend for people to practice EQ in the Choose Yourself pursuit?
The answers have been organized based on the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence, which is a three step process: (1) increase awareness, (2) evaluate, and (3) move forward purposefully. Earlier we posted tips for how to increase self-awareness. These answers are all about using emotional intelligence to make better choices. The point is to move out of reaction – to pause, evaluate and respond in the best way possible. There are four competencies that let you do so:
- Apply Consequential Thinking: Pause and evaluate both the pragmatic and emotional components of the situation
- Navigate Emotions: Engage emotions intentionally to help move the situation forward
- Engage Intrinsic Motivation: Strengthen the inner drive to move ahead in a useful way
- Exercise Optimism: Identify new opportunities and possibilities to invent additional solutions.
3 Essential Tips for Practicing Emotional Intelligence
PAC before you act: Pause. Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. Clear your mind.Nehad Tadros
This three step process is quite powerful. The pause gives your body a chance to get back to baseline. It takes about six seconds for the body to absorb molecules of emotion after they have been released – hence the name of our organization. Acknowledging your emotions brings together the cognitive and the emotional, which research has shown to be a powerful way to lessen the intensity of an emotional reaction. After pausing and acknowledging, your mind will already feel much clearer.
Ask yourself: “Do I feel expanded and open or contracted and small?Rita Haque
When you feel “compressed,” breathing deeply “into the belly” can release muscles – really breathe, and let your shoulders open and relax. As you fill up with air, the physiological expansion influences the mind and emotions as well, reducing stress and increasing openness. This helps us make more powerful, positive choices.
In challenging situations, I examine my thoughts with the three questions of optimism:
Am I thinking that this is permanent? (‘It will never get better’)
Am I feeling this is pervasive? (‘It is changing everything’)
Am I giving up my power? (‘There is nothing I can do’)Sandeep Kelkar
Then I step back and become a ‘detective” and try to gather evidence for those views. If those thoughts are inaccurate, I dispute them and choose realistic, accurate, positive thoughts.
More Tips for How to Practice Emotional Intelligence
Here are more tips for making more thoughtful, positive choices with emotional intelligence.
When you hit a setback, separate what parts of the situation you can control or influence and what parts you cannot. Focus on what you can influence and notice how much more confident you feel about overcoming the setback.Dawn Cook
When you are frustrated or upset, before you say something harsh, take a six second pause to quickly assess the costs and benefits of that action. When you apply consequential thinking, you make more careful choices that ultimately work to your advantage.Niloufer Aga
Find something impossible to do… and practice.Joshua Freedman
It sounds corny but it’s a profound mental switch. Just try saying “I can’t” and “I can’t yet” — the emotional experience is dramatically different. The first is a wall. The second, a door. For more on this, read The Seduction of Impossibility.
Take Two: Set aside two minutes – relax and breathe deeply. Then write down two solutions to your problem.Beth Hammett
Create opportunities to informally share what you feel and ask for feelings feedback – in your teams as well as with clients. This can clear the air of any harbored darkness in the relationship.Dexter Valles
Tap into compassion everywhere. Engage in positive caring dialogue with the taxi driver, the dry cleaning man, the grocery bag packer, etc. Say good morning to passing people on the sidewalk. Ask meaningful questions. Really listen to the answers.Carolyn Meacher
Take the six second pause to gather your thoughts before you speak.Teresa Veenstra
Learn from the past, live in the moment, and plan for the future.Ed Wood
When you are emotionally charged, take a deep breath before responding. The science of breathing is very deep in Yoga, and at least one deep breath creates a Six Second Pause.Mala Kapadia
Latest posts by Joshua Freedman (see all)
- Practice Your Purpose: The Neuroscience of What to Do Since New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work - January 1, 2018
- First Nations Youth Finding Wellbeing with Emotion, Spirit, Body & Mind - December 17, 2017
- Daniel Goleman on Emotions, Wellbeing & Mindfulness - December 14, 2017