Turn Up Your Sparkle: How Authenticity Can Be Your Greatest Asset

by Patty Freedman

Remember back to when you were a teenager. Feeling lost in a crowd. You spent all your time focused on who you wanted to be– experimenting, switching up hairstyles, music tastes, friend groups — trying to manage the fear of being left out. And then pow! There was a moment when you felt truly yourself and you were just right. Maybe it was a team, a class, a summer job, a group of friends who didn’t require you to be anything other than what you were. A place where you just belonged. For me it was drama club.

I was never much of an athlete, so I can’t really compare it to being on a sports team — but getting to be in a play creates a special bond. It was a world of imagination, bad accents, and hard work. My theater geek friends and I loved being loud and odd, and we gave everything to the show, because, as my arch self would have said with great solemnity, “the show must go on.” We were all trying our best for a shared goal, and it took a collective effort to succeed. Just before the curtain went up we’d stand together in a crowded circle onstage, hold hands, and pass a squeeze around — three deep breaths, together. We were bonded. We cared about each other and we meant it.

I didn’t know then what I know now — that those experiences were shaping me, pointing at something essential about who I am and what brings out my best. Only now, reflecting back with some years on me, can I see all that source material clearly — what gives me my sparkle, and the moments when I dimmed it down.

Researchers Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman describe authenticity as the combination of knowing yourself clearly, acting in line with your values, and showing up genuinely in your relationships. When those things converge, you feel it. I think about this like the moment in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy opens the door to Oz — the movie starts in black and white Kansas, and then abruptly at twenty minutes in, the world is in Technicolor. The contrast in the movie makes it striking, with authenticity the world is dazzling, brighter, just more. What if we could have more of that in our lives?

Sparkle isn’t about a personality type or being the most bubbly person in the room. It’s something inside that gets activated when you’re with the right people, doing work that matters to you, in an environment that asks you to expand rather than shrink.

Why We Dim It

Somewhere along the way, most of us learn to turn it down. We take up less space because it feels safer. We conform because the culture rewards it. We perform a version of ourselves that fits the room, the role, the expectations of people we want to please or impress, get the job or not get stuck with the job. These aren’t character flaws. They’re patterns we’ve learned to follow. Learned and often invisible until we look for them. And like any pattern, once you can notice it, you can choose something different that is more in alignment with your goals. That’s the Six Seconds Know-Choose-Give (KCG) model in action.

Researcher Adam Grant has written about how organizations often implicitly punish authenticity and reward conformity — and over time, that pressure shapes us in ways we don’t always notice. Check out his Ted Talk on this topic.

The dimming is rarely dramatic. It’s gradual. It sounds like: I used to love that. Or: I don’t really do that anymore. Or the quieter version — just a vague sense that something is missing, without being able to name what.

Your sparkle is one of the reasons you are where you are today. You didn’t unconsciously arrive here. The people you’ve gravitated toward, the work that’s energized you, the environments where you’ve felt most alive — these aren’t random. Neuroscientist Tali Sharot’s research on implicit motivation (see her Ted Talk on this) shows that our brains are constantly moving us toward certain things and away from others, often well below the level of conscious awareness. It is one of those drivers.

What would it be like to turn up the brightness on that — just by getting to know yourself better?

One of the ways I’m turning up my sparkle is to look at who’s standing shoulder to shoulder with me in my circle now. I love being part of a close group of people all pulling together to make something big. But as I’ve leaned into my sparkle with more confidence, I’ve been able to see and connect with a much wider circle — not just my closest friends and colleagues, but all of us working and leading a movement to support wellbeing globally. That shift opened up more impact, more opportunities, and I felt even brighter for it.

So I hope you’ll join me. Let’s use our sparkle as a guide to get closer to who we want to be and feel more brightness in our work and relationships.

For more articles, I recommend: