Overcoming Urgency: How Emotional Intelligence Helps You Slow Down and Focus on What Truly Matters
What if slowing down isn’t a luxury — but a powerful way to lead, connect, and live with intention?
by Alexandra Tanon Olsson
The Subtle Pressure to Keep Up
Life can get busy. As a mom of two toddlers, there’s always something to do—and honestly, I love that productive feeling of checking off boxes and getting things done.
But sometimes, I catch myself moving on autopilot, guided by a quiet, constant pressure to keep up with everything.
This sense of urgency is subtle—you can almost miss it—but it keeps me slightly disconnected. Distracted just enough to make it hard to slow down and be present.
I’m here, but not fully.
Productivity can be both rewarding and necessary. But when I’m not intentional with my time, that drive to do more starts to take over—pulling me away from what matters most, and from the kind of life I want to build: one rooted in connection, presence, and peace.
So now, I’m learning to pause and ask:
Is this how I want to spend this moment?
The Cost of Hurry Culture and How EQ Helps Us Break Free
Cue Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.”
We live in a culture that glorifies speed. Faster is better. Rest is lazy. Busy means important.
No wonder we internalize that. We learn to believe:
- Faster is better
- Doing more equals being more
- Stillness is for when everything else is done
But when we live this way for too long, something begins to shift. We may find ourselves:
- Reacting instead of responding
- Confusing busyness with purpose
- Missing moments with those we love—even when we’re right beside them
The constant rush from one task to the next doesn’t just fill our calendars—it shapes our days, our relationships, and the way we experience life.
It seeps into how we parent, how we work, how we treat ourselves and others.
And if we’re not paying attention, we might end up with a life that looks “productive” on the outside… but feels disconnected on the inside.
Urgency has its place. But when it becomes our norm, we risk losing something far more meaningful:
Our capacity to reflect, to connect, and to choose what truly matters.
How Urgency Affects Wellbeing and Emotional Intelligence: What the Research Shows
The State of the Heart 2024 report by Six Seconds reveals a global emotional recession—a steady decline in emotional intelligence and wellbeing over the past four years.
This trend reflects rising stress, emotional reactivity, and reduced self-awareness—conditions fueled by a constant sense of urgency.
Urgency narrows our focus and pulls us into reactive mode, leaving less room for the skills that truly support us, like:
- Awareness of how we’re showing up
- Empathy for what others might be feeling
- Intention in how we choose to respond
When we’re rushing, we stop noticing. We stop reflecting. We miss the subtle cues — in ourselves and in the people around us — that guide connection, clarity and wise decision making.
We move on instinct instead of insight.
But the research also offers something hopeful: when people do practice emotional intelligence — especially the skill of Applying Consequential Thinking (pausing to consider the outcomes of our choices) — they make more thoughtful and aligned decisions.
In both daily life and leadership, that leads to more connection, more clarity and more meaning.
” Your Direction is more important than your speed.” – Richard L Evans
Why We Feel So Rushed — And How EQ Helps Us Reconnect
Most of us don’t want to live in a constant state of hurry. But the rush is often a symptom of something deeper:
- Fear of not keeping up
- Pressure to prove yourself
- A discomfort with stillness
- A belief that slowing down is weakness — or that it means missing out
This is where I’ve found emotional intelligence to be so powerful.
Because it helps us slow down to notice and ask ourselves important questions, like:
What am I really chasing right now?
What do I actually need right now?
Emotional intelligence doesn’t magically make life less busy — but it does give us an opportunity to realign our decisions and way of responding no matter what life throws at us
Because how can we grow — or enjoy the life we’re working so hard to create —if we never pause long enough to see it?
How to Use Emotional Intelligence to Break Free from Autopilot
At Six Seconds, we define EQ as the ability to blend thinking and feeling to make optimal decisions. When life speeds up, these skills ground us:
- Recognize Patterns
Start by noticing your “rush triggers.” What time of day do you start speeding up? What makes you feel behind?
Recognize Patterns is one of the competencies in the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence. Learn more. - Name What You’re Feeling
When the pressure rises, pause and ask: What’s really going on for me right now?
Are you overwhelmed? Anxious? Afraid of disappointing someone?
Naming our emotions actually reduces their grip on the brain — giving us space to respond rather than react.
Want to improve your emotional vocabulary? Explore Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions - Apply Consequential Thinking
Ask yourself: If I keep going this way, where does it lead?
Does rushing this task really help me — or is it just a habit? - Choose Yourself
Pause for one deep breath and reset.
Respond intentionally — even if that means saying no, asking for help, or just walking a little slower. - Pursue Noble Goals
Connect to your deeper “why.” What matters most?
For me, that’s presence, connection and joy —When I hold onto that, it’s easier to loosen the grip of urgency and make choices that actually reflect what I value.
If you ever feel stuck in urgency mode, emotional intelligence offers a way out — and a way back to what matters most.
Simple Emotional Intelligence Practices to Slow Down
Here are a few tiny practices that help me slow down during the day:
- 20-second breathing breaks between tasks
- If you’re used to rushing, try going slower — on purpose
- Starting meetings with one sentence: “How do I want to show up right now?”
These aren’t productivity hacks.
They’re presence practices.
They help me step out of autopilot and return to intention.
” Your power is not in the speed nor intensity, its in the intentionality and presence.” – Unknown
Because Presence Isn’t Passive
We often think of presence as stillness. But true presence is active.
It requires noticing, choosing, and engaging—again and again.
And maybe the hardest part is this: The things that matter most—your peace, your people, your purpose—don’t shout for your attention. They get lost in the sea of tasks unless we slow down enough to see them.
We’re not just living our lives—we’re creating them.
One step, one choice, one moment at a time.
So if urgency is telling you to rush ahead…
Take the first step and pause.
Then check in.
And ask: What really matters right now?
Why This Work Matters: The Ripple Effects of Emotional Intelligence
At Six Seconds, our theory of change is simple — and powerful:
When individuals begin to develop and practice emotional intelligence, they change their relationships not only with others but with themselves .
With deeper awareness and empathy, we start tuning in more, listening more. We build more authentic connections. We engage more meaningfully. And that’s when something deeper happens:
We don’t just connect better — we start to live better.
With more joy.
More purpose.
More presence.
Because when we stop rushing through life, we start fully living it.
We create a better world by creating better relationships — starting with ourselves.
It starts small:
A pause.
A breath.
A question asked with intention.
But that’s how ripples work.
Whatever change you’re working toward — in yourself, your family, your leadership, or your world — it starts by choosing presence over pressure.
By moving from reactivity to response.
From hurry… to wholeness.
Want Practical Tools to Practice Emotional Intelligence in Your Daily Life?
📘 Download the Practicing EQ Ebook
