The Science of Connection: Why Presence Matters
By Alexandra Tanon-Olsson
Have you ever felt unheard?
Have you ever had a conversation where you just knew the other person wasn’t really listening? Maybe their eyes kept drifting to their phone, or they nodded along but didn’t actually respond to what you said. It’s frustrating, right? It makes you feel unimportant, disconnected, maybe even invisible.
The truth is, we’ve all been on both sides of this scenario. We live in a fast-paced world where distractions compete for our attention, making it harder to be truly present in our relationships. But if we want meaningful connections, we have to ask ourselves: How can we show up differently?
The way we show up in conversations matters more than we think; not only for others, but for ourselves. In how we live our lives and who we are becoming. Have you ever wondered why real connection feels so rare? Like a kind of luxury in our distracted and busy world? Well, we have a part to play in it. We decide how we show up and can choose to be present.
When we choose to be fully present, to listen deeply, and to approach conversations with curiosity, we don’t just improve our relationships, we become better versions of ourselves. We see what’s important and create the meaningful connections we long for and in turn, life becomes richer and more fulfilling
The Science of Connection: Why Presence Matters
Our brains are literally wired for connection. Neuroscience research shows that mirror neurons allow us to not just observe emotions but actually feel them. This is why you instinctively smile when someone laughs or tense up while watching a suspenseful movie.
Empathy comes naturally to us because we’re actually born with the capacity for it. Studies show that even infants as young as a few months old exhibit empathic responses, like crying when they hear another baby cry or looking distressed when someone appears upset. These early behaviors show that empathy is wired into us from the beginning.
But over time, life teaches us that logic and efficiency are more valuable than emotional awareness. We prioritise being right, and in control over just listening and being present; to solve and fix rather than feel and understand. Over time, this emphasis on performance suppresses our innately woven empathy and our ability to connect. And slowly, we grow isolated; built for connection, yet conditioned to disconnect.
Becoming aware of how we show up gives us the power to choose the next right step. The good news is, even if empathy hasn’t been a regular practice, it’s a skill we can always reclaim and strengthen. Instead of focusing on performing in conversations, what if we shifted our goal to understanding? What if we made sure the people in our lives feel truly valued, respected, and heard? What if we chose to listen—not just with our ears, but with our entire being?
The Impact of Deep Listening
Deep listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about tuning into the emotions, context, and intentions behind them. It’s about showing up fully in the moment, free from distractions, and allowing the other person to feel understood. Research shows that this kind of attentive listening strengthens relationships by fostering trust, reducing misunderstandings, and increasing emotional intelligence. In fact, a Harvard Business Review study found that teams led by emotionally intelligent leaders had 20% higher engagement—all because these leaders made presence and empathy central to their communication.
The truth is, deep listening doesn’t always come naturally in our distraction-filled world. Yet, when we make the effort to truly listen, we create a space for connection to flourish. Over time, these moments of focused presence compound, enriching both our relationships and our emotional growth.
Think about your own relationships. How often do you:
- Fully listen without preparing your response while the other person is talking?
- Pause to consider what the other person might be feeling, beyond just the words?
- Ask questions that help you understand their perspective, instead of jumping to conclusions?
These small shifts in how we listen have a powerful impact on how we connect. The more we practice, the more we build trust, reduce misunderstandings, and increase emotional awareness—not just for others, but for ourselves.
Empathetic Respect
When we truly respect someone, they can feel it. And when people feel respected, they open up. That’s how empathy deepens. That’s how relationships grow. This all begins with being fully present. Respect is shown not just through words, but through our focus, our attention, and our intention in every moment of communication.
To enhance your listening and strengthen your relationships, try practicing Empathetic Respect. This exercise invites you to connect more deeply with the other person’s emotions and perspective, laying a strong foundation for trust and understanding. Here’s how to do it:
1. Pause & reflect on their perspective.
Before responding, take a moment to step back. What might the other person be feeling? What’s important to them right now? Consider what might be beneath their words, even if they don’t directly express it.
2. Examine the power dynamics.
Are you assuming your way is the only way? Notice how your approach shifts when you engage as equals, rather than asserting control or dominance. How does it feel to let go of the need to be “right”?
3. Look for something to appreciate.
Every conversation, even the challenging ones, holds a chance for learning. Stay open to discovering something valuable about the other person. Whether it’s their perspective, their experience, or even their courage to share, there’s always something worth respecting.
By taking the time to listen with empathy and respect, you’re not only improving communication—you’re building trust, fostering emotional connection, and deepening the relationship.
Take the Next Step
This Empathetic Respect practice comes from our Practicing EQ ebook, which is packed with more exercises like this to help you develop your emotional intelligence and improve your relationships.
Before you go, reflect on one small shift you can make in how you listen today. How can you bring more presence, understanding, and respect into your conversations? Let us know in the comments below! 💬
Want to learn more? Check out these articles:
- The Power of Gratitude: How Focusing on the Good Changes Your Brain—and Your Life - July 1, 2025
- Overcoming Urgency: How Emotional Intelligence Helps You Slow Down and Focus on What Truly Matters - May 6, 2025
- The Power of Presence: Strengthening Relationships with Emotional Intelligence - April 9, 2025