My Invisible Emotional Raincoat

My Invisible Emotional Raincoat

How many times have you had to deal with the negativity of others this week? Today? We  know that anger and stress are all around us from the frustrated car  driver waiting for the pedestrian to cross the road to the mom dealing with toddler tantrums. Coping with all this stresses us out and becomes […]

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Discerning Our Path—Emotions as an Internal GPS

Despite all our technological advances, isn’t life still full of mystery?  One enigma is our emotional inconsistency.  Some days we are the essence of centeredness and calm.  Then, out of seemingly nowhere, we are quick to explode.  We may be expert at hiding our emotional eruptions.  But even if they aren’t apparent to others, we […]

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Emotional Triggers of Daily Life

One of my triggers is a desire to “fight for my rights” if I sense that I’m not supported in my work.  My fight response may manifest subtly as a tenacious search for an “unavailable” library book or the dogged pursuit of information from a tight-lipped colleague.  But underneath my smiling mask, I’m angry and […]

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An EQ Incident

An EQ Incident

On of our network members, Shabbir Latif, wrote this reflection about putting emotional intelligence into action: I live in San Jose and work in Soledad (90 miles) away where I rent a room for four days during week. When I first started working in Soledad, I used to go swimming at a 24 Hrs Fitness […]

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Anger Is Not the Problem

A friend recently confided that he had “acted badly” at work. He had raised his voice and snapped at his team. Now he felt ashamed. I asked him to describe the situation. “Greg” had repeatedly asked his logistics team to bill their trucking partners using new parameters. Time and again, Greg discovered that several of […]

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Changing from War to Peace (at home)

Changing from War to Peace (at home)

How do we change out of a destructive pattern? Emma (my daughter, now 9) frequently makes a big fuss when it’s time to do work that’s not appealing, especially “dumb writing homework” (despite usually liking writing and being an outstanding student).  This has gone on for years, but a couple of weeks ago I noticed […]

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Regional Norms and the Unwanted Emotion–Anger

While I’ve never lived in another country, I have lived for long periods in the Midwest and California. As I moved from one region to another, I felt a seismic shift between two cultures that seemed radically different in their approach to emotions. Were my encounters atypical? Perhaps. Still, as I contemplate my 20-year study […]

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Adaptive Emotions, Anger and Getting a Message Across

I feel that emotions are adaptive, and so, that means all emotions. Anger, for example, rises from a sense of injustice, or from a goal being blocked. Anger can be quite adaptive, such as when it fuels people to seek change. The problem is that this message is sometimes heard in a way that allows people […]

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Fight for Your Life: Marital Arguments + Longevity

Is it emotionally intelligent to fight? New study from University of Michigan divides 192 couples 3 groups based on “unfair attacks”: both partners communicate their anger; one spouse expresses while the other suppresses; both suppress their anger and brood. Preliminary finding after 17 years is that group 3 is at risk. Ernest Harburg, professor emeritus […]

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