Emma, Max, Patty and I were coming near the end of our family vacation in Montreal and there was some, shall we say, fussy behavior. So we began to talk about beginnings, middles, and endings and I’ve been thinking more about these phases and the feelings that go with them.

Awareness of beginnings, middles, and ends helps me in many other areas; it applies to all kinds of projects, relationships, and events — at work, at school, at home, in love and in war. It seems that if we could become more effective in all three phases life would be a lot better!

Lately the kids have been watching “Little Einsteins” on TV, each episode features a piece of classical music. So on the vacation we talked about how classical music is created with beginnings that set up a theme, middles that explore the theme, and endings that bring everything back together.

With the kids (who are now 7 and 5), we talked about what else has a beginning, middle, and end. We decided almost everything does: trees, popsicles, vacations, activities, and even life. At work, I’d add projects, changes, teams, organizations, and careers.

There are different emotions that go with each part, or phase, of the cycle. Different people experience the phases differently — for some people beginnings are exciting, for others they are frustrating or boring. For some people endings are peaceful, for others they are sad. Understanding your own and team members’ preferences and perceptions of this cycle can help improve workflow and effectiveness. Simply talking about the phases is an effective way to improve the flow.

I’m someone who loves beginnings — I get so excited about the possibilities and plans. Patty is great at middles, but she doesn’t have a lot of patience for the “set up.” She loves actually DOING, not planning. Neither of us is great at endings — maybe we’re too busy going onto what’s next.

The next day, I asked my family about our vacation’s beginning, middle, and end, and how we wanted each part to be. Often our “ends” are marked by unpleasant behavior — fussing, fighting, or getting really busy — probably to avoid some of the difficult feelings associated with endings. I’ve noticed the same behaviors with clients and work-teams; frequently people “act out” because they don’t know what to do with the feelings. Even if the feelings are a natural and normal part of that phase of the project cycle.

This discussion was very helpful for our vacation! While we did have some of the “usual” ending behavior, overall the ending of this vacation was lovely. We had some time for sorrow and saying goodbye, and reflection about our favorite parts, and excitement about what’s coming next.

Each phase is important in the life cycle, and short-cutting any one has consequences.

Beginnings are important because they set the stage. A good beginning provides focus, clarity, and shared understanding. Shortcuts here waste time later, create misunderstandings, and cause unexpected outcomes.

Middles are important because they are the perseverance. A good middle provides quality, consistency, efficiency, and effectiveness. Shortcuts here reduce quality, decrease replicability, and diminish value.

Ends are important because they create closure. A good end includes reflection, mourning (sometimes) or celebration (sometimes) or both (rarely), learning, and transition. Shortcuts here cause the same mistakes to be repeated, old issues to remain unresolved, and drain energy.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself and others about these phases:

How do you feel about each phase? Where are you usually excited, bored, scared, joyful, frustrated, hopeless, hopeful? Do you know why?

Which phase is typically your strength? How about the others in your work team or family? As a team do you have a balance? Do you respect one another’s strengths in these phases, or is one devalued?

When have you “skipped over” or minimized a phase, and what were the effects?

What is one change you would like to make in the way you attend to beginnings, middles, and endings? What effect would that change produce? How will you make that change occur? (Be sure to consider the beginning, middle, and end of this question!)

An ending thought: Sometimes I get so caught up in “doing things” I forget what I’m really doing. Reconnecting with my Noble Goal helps me pay attention.

Joshua Freedman
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