EQ News -
Vigilance and Prevention

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I know we've all heard and thought a lot about Columbine. Rather than
going over the same ground about what happened and why, I'd like to
consider my own role in this kind of violence, and ask you to do the same.

Like all of us, I am devastated by this atrocity. I am also devastated by the
implications and the responses. It is terrible to even write this, but I am not
shocked that such a thing _could happen_ -- in some ways it seems the
natural outcome of the system we each perpetuate. Claire Nuer, a great
teacher about commitment and getting "unstuck" called this system the
egosystem. Partly I mention Claire because she died recently, and I wonder
what she would have said about Columbine. I think she would have said
that if we look at our actions, we are not actually committed to ending
violence.

I AM shocked by the degree to which America's response is "install metal
detectors, arm principals, create tough discipline policies." I see that these
reactions are more of the same -- Einstein wrote, roughly, that we can not
solve a problem using the same kind of thinking that got us INTO the
problem. And while I too am compelled to urgent action, I hope that we
can utilize different kinds of thinking than the "egosystem."

In the last week, Six Seconds has been working to gather a broad spectrum
of educators who will join a call for a re-focus on long-term prevention. I
will send that out next week, but for now, it has been sad for me to see the
egosystem at work in our colleagues -- so many of whom wanted to sign-on
only to their projects, their perspectives. And as I write this and point my
finger, I realize that even in the way I wrote the original "call for
prevention", I was doing the very same thing. I was writing a press release
that talked a lot about Six Seconds and our work... and then blaming people
for wanting to only talk about their work....

Marsha told me that when she taught kindergarden, she taught that when
we point a finger, we point three at ourselves. As I have thought more about
this, I realize that one implication is that when I find myself pointing my
finger, I need to learn something about what I am thinking, feeling, and
doing. That might be a good moment for me to take a six second pause
and carefully reflect.

It takes vigilance. Not metal detector vigilance, but stuck-in-the-same-
pattern vigilance. If we can only change ourselves, we'd each better take that
responsibility pretty seriously. Vigilance is cental to that seriousness.

Essentially, "vigilance" means careful watching. To add the EQ piece, it
would also include monitoring the interplay of thoughts, feelings, and
actions. Why do you do what you do?
Why are you responding to this question the way that you are?
As I become more vigilant, I become more aware of cause and effect within
myself; I become more aware of the patterns that drive me -- and perhaps
automatically become more responsible for them.

I am not sure it is automatic. I have seen students have this moment of
realization where they see how a pattern has driven them, and they
immediately move toward responsibility. But it is often short term -- they
have to see it over and over.

In the face of kids killing kids, I lose patience. I do not want to see it over
and over before I learn about my responsibility.

The emotional part of vigilance also means that like watching closely, I will
"feel closely." Each time I hear more about Columbine, I close off more
feeling -- I do not want to go there. But if I am going to vigilant, I can not
ignore those feelings. Instead, I will use them to motivate myself toward
change -- despite finger pointing, and despite the long uphill climb.

I will send the prevention info in a few days.
- Josh

josh@6seconds.org

http://www.6seconds.org
Training and Materials for Emotional Intelligence
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