There are several expressions I use, proverbs or "old
Sayings" that I have to confess: I don't really
understand. Like, "Rome wasn’t built in a day," or
"Mind your p's and q's" (why "q"s???) I'm sure many of
us do. "It's just like riding a bike" was one of those
for me -- generally accepted, somehow, that once you
ride you are a rider forever.

I had my doubts.

Last year for my birthday, Patty gave me a bicycle
helmet with a card saying we would go choose a bike
to match. Somehow we never did -- I suspect in
large part because I KNEW that as soon as I tried
to ride I'd topple over. I've hardly even been near
a bike in over 20 years.

So it was quite a surprise at the school auction when
I raised my bidding card for a super cool Madwagon
"cruiser." Such a surprise that Patty turned right
around and said "WHAT are you DOING?" -- loudly enough
for people three tables away to hear, I might add.

I thought it was pretty obvious WHAT I was doing, what
was less clear to either of us was WHY. I remain
uncertain, actually, but the big wheels and stylish
burnished gold frame just called out. Or maybe it was
imagining riding around the neighborhood with the kids.

After buying the bike, a new set of questions arose.
Starting with, how to get it home on this sort-of-rainy
night? I marched up to neighbor JP and boldly
announced, "I don't know how to ride a bike -- would
you help me get it home?"

Patty says she would be mortified to admit such a
level of cultural and physical ignorance (especially,
in her words, to "Mister Buff Surfer Man, the Gorgeous
Honey of the Street"). And doubly especially after
rather publicly bidding for thing! She said if it had
been her, she'd have quietly just walked it home. Maybe
if I'd thought about it I would have been embarrassed,
but somehow it didn't occur to me, so I just announced
my ignorance and asked for help.

JP and a friend of his offered to ride it home. I
decided to walk with them, which was great because I got
to hear them tell me what a great bike I’d bought. JP
encouraged me to try it -- at first I thought I ought to
wait for daylight and much protective padding.

Somehow strolling along with two friends on a dark
night turned into a great time to take a risk. It's a
strange alchemy that occurs when you admit ignorance
to the right people, plus just enough peer pressure, and
maybe a glass or two of wine helps. So in the drizzle,
in my fancy auction clothes, I jumped on... and rode!

A little wobbly at first -- but so far I've stayed upright.

That expression about riding a bike really is true!
Somehow my body just knew how to ride -- despite
my mental chatter, despite my fear, despite my sense
of impossibility. It leads me to wonder about fear, and
about strength.

Fear: The bike story reminds me that fear is about
repeating the past. As a child, learning to ride a bike
was probably not-so-easy. I remember a lot of
struggle -- I especially remember my sister and
parents arguing about it. I guess I didn't really
remember the freedom and fun.

So when I imagined getting on a bike now, I was telling
myself that it would be like the past again. An
assumption that’s easy to make self-fulfilling and
brutally limiting. Instead, through luck, impulsiveness,
and friends, I focused on the possible, on the "what
if..." instead of the "what was." So long as we define
our vision of possibility through evidence of the past,
We're compelled to repeat it.

Strength: I can ride a bike! Those of you who've met
me in person will appreciate this is really quite a
surprise. It's not like I’m not going to train for the
Tour de France, it's not a "world class" strength, but
nonetheless there was something I can do competently
-- maybe even well -- that I'd believed I couldn’t. I
wonder what would happen if I let go of the assumption
that "it will be hard," or "I can't," or, "I won't like
it"?

I wonder how many other strengths are ossifying, like
Max's tools left out to rust 'till the pliers won't
move. I wonder what I'd be capable of if I accepted my
own competence? I wonder what companies and families
and communities would be like if we all dusted off
those unused strengths (maybe used a little WD40
to get them unstuck), and put more of ourselves in play?

As for Patty's question about the bike, she told me
she was actually thrilled I was getting the bike, and
She's sort of coveting my cool gold cruiser. But I've
been thinking about an answer anyway.

Max and Emma and I have been riding just about every
other day, and it’s a blast. Today I was zooming up
and down the hill, turning circles and reveling in the
wind and sun. It's like recapturing the best part of
being a kid -- those Springtime Saturday afternoons
with no where to be, with the world stretched out in
from of me, feeling alive and free and knowing I can go anywhere.

May your Spring be filled with revels,
- Josh

Joshua Freedman is Director of Programs for Six Seconds
EQ Network (www.6seconds.org), a nonprofit
organization putting emotional intelligence in action
with organizations and individuals around the world.
Read his blog at http://eqguy.blogspot.com


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©2006 Joshua Freedman, Six Seconds - www.6seconds.org