Recovering

In the hospital times runs an erratic pace, from the
gradual winding of a spring stream to the heart
stopping flash of summer lightning. Most of the
day slips by in a lethargic haze. Some moments
drag. Other times I look up and an hour has passed
unnoticed.

The other day Maxie was wondering why "patient"
has two meanings; both someone good at waiting
and someone recovering. This weekend I'm finding
a new understanding of giving time to heal. Patty
is impatient with herself, with her slowly re-awaking
guts and knitting flesh. But she is making progress.
Today is dramatically better than yesterday - and
she is still weaker than I've ever seen her.

As for me, I'm working to stay present, to stay
patient with her, the foibles of a hospital (for
example, someone seems to come in the room
about every hour), with the children, and with
myself. Last night I was so done in I was harsh
and impatient with the kids, and went to bed
ashamed. This morning I woke up forgiving myself
and ready to give all of us another chance.

Last night I read all the emails we'd received and I
just sat and cried. So many people around the world
sharing their love and support with us, strangers really,
yet in a time like this lifted onto a common humanity.
Why does it take imminent loss to connect us?

Maybe because sorrow and love are the same emotion
-- two sides of a coin. Sorrow is the recognition of
love lost. It affirms what's truly important.
Unexpressed sorrow can shift into loss, loneliness,
grief, and even despair. But when expressed it
transmutes into connection, caring, and love.

So my tears are appreciation for the support we're
receiving. From our family and neighbors, friends,
the Mount Madonna School community, the Six
Seconds' team, and EQ Network. So many people
near and far helping our little family stay safe and whole.

I can almost watch my emotional energy drain and
renew. Sitting with Patty trying to be present and
of service is a wonderful exercise for me - and an
effort. Managing my fears and hers, and the
children's, and her mother's, etc, etc... it turns
into a mountain of emotional labor.

Then a friend comes and gives me a high five or a
hug, I read an email from one of you that we're
making a difference in your life, or a story of
someone overcoming adversity, or I just walk
around the block holding the children's hands,
and the well is refilled a little.

I guess all of us are going through these cycles.
Patty's are most visible - when her "batteries"
are low low her face blanches pale and she begins
to shake, and when she's "charged" she's flush
with life and smiling. The kids and I, our friends
and family, and perhaps many of you are in a
similar cycle. We all need a little more renewal,
a little more peace in our hearts, a little more
love and health.

There is a kind of economy of renewal. This
intangible force of energy that flows between
us - all over the world. We can exchange it
though words, or in a more refined state
though a look or touch. It powers all enterprise,
all relationships, and all healing. It's free, and
precious. Thank you for sharing it with my family.

Love,
- Josh

--
Joshua Freedman
Director of Programs
Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Network
http://www.6seconds.org
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