We live in a time of turmoil and uncertainly, and
if we accept the world that we see in newspaper
headlines, it is all too easy to forget that the vast
majority of people in the world are good, caring,
human beings just like us.

I was recently the Chairman of the first Emotional
and Spiritual Intelligence Conference in the Middle
East, a three-day program in Dubai in the United
Arab Emirates. I wrote this article on the last day
of the conference:

Behind the Veil
May 30, 2005

Preparing to go to the conference center, I am
full of unease. I walk through the lobby strewn
with rose petals, and feel surrounded by men in
white dishtash and women in black abaya. I've
worked with many Arabs and Muslims, but this is
my first time in the Gulf, and I find myself curious
at the sight of all this traditional garb -- and worried.

I move quickly through the hall and go back-
stage. At a conscious level, I am telling myself
that I am worried about the conference logistics,
that I am concerned the audience might not
understand our work, that technical glitches
might interfere with learning. But none of the
technology is my responsibility, and I realize that
I'm bothering the technicians as a way of hiding
from all these strangers.

I realized I am afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid
that I will not be accepted, that I will be judged,
that people will not listen – I often have fears like
this at the beginning of a programs. Here it is
stronger, because underneath I am also afraid I
will be hated or held in contempt as a Jew and
an American.

Unexamined, unrecognized, the fear is influencing me
on an unconscious level -- influencing me to hide away
and to rationalize my behavior. Once I recognize that
I am afraid, however, I can see what I am really doing,
and make a choice. Especially in face of fear, it is
difficult to make proactive choices.

Fortunately, in this work I have learned about a lever
I can use to move myself past the fear: my sense of purpose.

I am deeply committed to co-creating an emotionally
intelligent world, and I can’t do that hiding in the
corner. Remembering my Noble Goal (“To inspire a
context for growth”) gives me the courage act. I
begin walking around the lobby speaking with some
of these strangers.

They do not turn away.

I say hello to three men wearing traditional Arab
clothing. They are from Saudi Arabia. One must
have noticed my effort to reach out past the fear,
because he says, "Thank you for coming up to us,
I guess this is part of emotional intelligence." I hear
his warmth and appreciation -- he recognizes the
effort, the risk, and there is something sparked
between us. Maybe they too are a little afraid.

These fears are reinforced at many levels. For
example, I happened to read an email from my
grandmother today saying, "I wish you could stay
home from all those dangerous places." On a factual
basis, the United Arab Emirates is one of the safest
countries in the world. Diverse, cosmopolitan, and
with hardly any crime (and, in case you're wondering,
they don't have extreme or violent penalties for
crimes). Yet on an emotional level, many of us
have such uncertainly, such fear of the unknown,
about a place so different from home.

The conference kick-off is smooth. Daniel Goleman
is live via satellite – and I find myself wishing he
could see this room full of white-robed and
black-robed delegates. He speaks about how we can
influence one another on an emotional level as
leaders and humans, and it seem so apropos to
my experience today.

On the second day of the conference, the sense of
connection gets even stronger. In my workshop on
Leading with EQ, I share how we apply our Six Seconds
model to business, and also to our personal and family
lives. The group clearly sees the value of these tools
in leadership and life, and something happens beyond
the content. We all interact with each other as
people and talk, we share perspectives and feelings.
From dialogue comes respect and tolerance,
appreciation and acceptance.

On the final day in the closing session, the discussion
turns to how emotional intelligence can help bridge
the gaps between people -- in organizations,
relationships, communities, and nations. Many of
the speakers and audience members have noticed,
have felt, how we are no longer a group of unknown
strangers.

Danah Zohar suggests that we commit to test the
power of this kind of dialogue by developing an EQ/SQ
conference with Palestinians and Israelis attending together.

Following her theme, I challenge the audience and
myself to consider the action we can each take to
move past our fears. We can only truly access the
power of our emotional and spiritual selves if we
each begin with ourselves. I offer, "I would like to
bring my children here." I plan to say more, but I
feel myself on the verge of tears, so I begin to call
on someone else.

There is a table at the front reserved for women, all
in traditional abaya and sheila (black gowns and veils).
They've been nearly silent these three days, but now
one calls out, "Why?"
"Why?" she repeats assertively, "Why do you want
to bring your children here?"
"Because I want them to grow up knowing Arabs as
caring human beings," I say, "People with the same
hopes and dreams we all hold. Because I do now
want my two Jewish and American children to grow
Up afraid just because they do not know."
Later I think to myself, but am still afraid to say it
out loud, "and because I want them to be friends
with your children."

The power of facing and voicing feelings, especially
fears, is profound. Just expressing this fear I can
feel the connection forming between us. At the
next break, three different men come speak to
me: "When you come back to the Emirates,"
each says, "I want you to come to my house
so your children can play with my children."

Over and over in my travels I've found that beneath
the infinite variety of human complexity, beneath
the cultures and nations, beneath the religions and
rivalries, beneath the differences, we are profoundly
alike. I keep forgetting, then I have these
experiences to remind me. And more and more I
am seeing that emotions are at the heart of this
similarity. A universal language that bonds us and
liberates us -- if we will only find the courage to
learn it more deeply, and use it more carefully.


Warmly yours,
- Josh


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Feel free to forward if you keep this part too:
©2005 Joshua Freedman, Six Seconds EQ Network (www.6seconds.org)

Joshua Freedman is the Director of Programs for
Six Seconds EQ Network, a not-for-profit
organization teaching emotional intelligence to
organizations, schools, and communities around
the world. Join us online: http://www.6seconds.org