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Exercise or Die?

For the past 20 years, my most rigorous exercise has
been carrying my laptop around the world. Still, when
I went to the doctor for a checkup (finally), I was
surprised and dismayed by my blood pressure.

Over the years doctors have been saying, "you're on the
high end of normal, one of these days you're going to
have to deal with this." In my fantasy, "one of these
days" was not coming any time soon.

Since then, I've managed to exercise 30 of the last 34
days. It's not so awful doing it, but thinking about it
has been frustrating. Especially at the beginning, I
felt trapped and powerless. I'm thinking of exercise
as a punishment -- "How much time will I have to
serve before I can go back to living how I want?"

So while I've been successful at initiating some of the
right actions, I haven't fully addressed the emotional
challenge. By force of will I can make myself exercise.
I can say, "exercise or die. Let's go," and I get on
Nordic Track. But internally it's a battle, and that
means I'm making myself a victim instead of a
warrior, and it's not a sustainable model.

At 3 and a half, my son can surely relate. He is
somewhat indignant that he can't do whatever he
wants, whenever he wants to -- and he makes it
unpleasant for those of us who attempt to direct
him otherwise.

It's like the same thing in my head. On the one hand
I know all these benefits of exercising. I like the
feeling afterwards, I like sleeping better, I like having
more energy. I don't like not being able to do
whatever I want, whenever I want -- so I throw
these little tantrums.

Just like with Max's tantrums, it was a great relief for
me to realize I could just ignore mine. I could just say,
“Go ahead and pout -- I'm doing it anyway!” and get
skiing. But also like trying to ignore Max's tantrums,
this is an energy drain.

When I am in the "exercise or die" mode, I am saying,
"I don't have a choice.” I'm coloring the experience with
resentment and frustration. Not only does this make it
less pleasant, it also makes it less sustainable.

Emotions are signals. At the most basic level, pleasant
emotions mean "do this more," and unpleasant feelings
mean, "do this less." If exercise is loaded with "yuck,"
then even if I intellectually know I should, I won't
actually want to.

So how do I shift from yuck to yea? How do I go
from "exercise or die" to "exercise and live!"?

I'm using several strategies:
- Questioning the underlying assumptions
- Accessing useful feelings
- Focusing on the larger purpose


Questioning the Underlying Assumptions

Questioning the underlying assumption is about challenging
my own thinking and feeling. I've “gone up the ladder of
inference" to come to a conclusion that exercise is yucky.
According to a cognitive therapeutic model, this belief
is creating an emotional reaction. While the EQ
perspective is that thoughts and feelings create each
other, it's still quite useful to me to examine these
beliefs and the feelings connected with them.

So I can ask myself questions. For example, “What
would I have to give up in order to feel that exercise is
fun?" I'd have to give up 20 years of practice saying
it's yucky. I'd have to admit my mom might have been
right all these years. I'd have to give up believing that
taking care of my physical self is vain and superficial.

I've developed certain patterns and feelings about
exercise (for example, “When I think I don't have a
choice, I feel resentful and run away.”). Understanding
gives me a baseline for making a change, and it gives
me important data about my reactions. When I get
into one of my patterns I can recognize it and redirect
it rather than being driven by it. It's also helpful to
know what I need to rechoose -- for example, knowing
these kinds of reactions has led me to get additional
support that will, I hope, help make the change stick.


Accessing Useful Feelings

Accessing useful feelings is about using my emotions
intentionally. We all have multiple feelings at any time.
Even in the midst of feeling frustrated when I tell
myself I have to exercise, I also feel proud that I'm
sticking to this. By shifting my attention to the pride,
to the satisfaction, to the celebration, I re-color this
experience as something positive, creating an
attractive experience. It's easy to do this, it just
takes continuous reinforcement.

So this morning when I had done one kilometer on
the Nordic Track and was starting to feel grumpy, I
shifted my attention to the accomplishment. I literally
felt a burst of pride washing over me. This intentional
use of feelings reinforces the change I'm trying to make.


Focusing on the Larger Purpose

Finally, focusing on the larger purpose makes both of
the first two manageable. I want to be healthy because
I love my family and want to be “alive and kicking” when
(if) grandkids come along. I want to be healthy because
I have important work I'm trying to do in the world --
and it takes a LOT of energy to do it! As my friend Liz
says, this body is the vehicle for “doing the work” in
my family and career, and while I'm riding here, I better
take care of it! Why? Not because I “have to,” but
because I care deeply about where I'm trying to go.

If I really mean it, if these larger purposes are deeply
meaningful, then they will energize and drive me.
Bringing meaning to the mundane, this awareness
shifts my feeling and my thinking and transforms my
behavior. It also changes the way I experience the
daily activity. Instead of toil, exercise is about
serving what's best and most important in my life.



I'm pleased to say that since I began this article, I
am feeling more positive about and engaged in being
healthy. It continues to be difficult to stay out of the
old patterns, and it's definitely an effort to exercise,
but I'm fairly happy with the process.

It's also good to see Six Seconds' model at work in my
life. Our “Know Yourself, Choose Yourself, Give Yourself”
model is about applying emotional intelligence to help
people get better results in their lives and work.

- Questioning the Underlying Assumptions is part of
“Know Yourself” -- increasing awareness of feelings
and patterns.

- Accessing Useful Feelings is key to “Choose Yourself”
-- reevaluating and intentionally directing daily feelings,
thoughts, and actions.

- Focusing on the Larger Purpose is the cornerstone
of “Give Yourself” -- living intentionally and consciously
to bring out the best we each have to offer.

So I encourage you to look at these three pillars as
you consider a change in your own work or life -- and
if you're working to get healthy, I hope you'll tell me
how you're managing the emotional side!

Warmly,
- Josh

Joshua Freedman is Director of Programs for Six Seconds
EQ Network (www.6seconds.org), a nonprofit
organization putting emotional intelligence in action
with organizations and individuals around the world.

Feel free to forward so long as you keep this part too:
©2005 Joshua Freedman, Six Seconds - www.6seconds.org