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January 3, 2005

The Roof Is Falling?


This evening we all ran into the play room after a
dramatic crash. Max said, "Daddy! There is a hole
in the roof!" I won't repeat what I said, but I
wonder if there's some expression about the roof
falling in.

So, it's now time for a new roof and also some
ceiling repairs. As I was cleaning up, I started
thinking about a litany of "household" problems of
the last six weeks. Our dishwasher and fridge both
were leaking. Our oven broke. Someone threw a
mailbox through our windshield. The roof needs
replacing, and now so does the ceiling.

I retreated from cleaning to sit at the computer,
and received an email from Hanny, one of my EQ
colleagues in Indonesia. She wrote that while she
and her family are fine, one of her close friends
has been devastated by the tsunami:

"All her family in Aceh is just gone; her hometown
was flattened by the waves... it is so sad."

In seconds, the falling ceiling turned from an
adversity to an annoyance. I remembered that in
all my domestic complexities of this month, no one
has been hurt. We're healthy and warm, fed and
mostly dry. My challenges are complicated, not
tragic.

It's hardly possible to imagine the devastation
people are facing in the aftermath of the tsunami.
I don't want to feel it (I want to complain about
my petty problems and not be overwhelmed by sorrow).

But I think if it was me who'd lost my family in
Aceh, I would want all the pain and loss to amount
to something. I would want people to help, and
also to feel -- to make meaning of the loss, to
help myself and others live more carefully as a
result.

So in addition to the material support our fellow
humans need, can we help them with the emotional
burden of tapping this well of sorrow? Can we
feel enough of their pain to give it meaning in our
own lives, to let the tragedy inform our lives for
the better?

Just as the tragedy helped me reframe my ceiling
problem, can it help you see your gifts? Can it
help you shift from struggle to abundance, from
pessimism to optimism, from fear to appreciation?
At its core, this is an emotional change fueled by
loss and by love, it's a testament to the profound
power of feelings to shape our perception of the
world.

I'm not a believer in new year's resolutions, so
let me offer this "new year's question" instead --
something for us each to ponder:
How can I keep remembering the gifts of my life
each and every day - even (especially) when life
is complicated and challenging?

May your 2005 be full of love and hope, wonder and
learning, and appreciation for the struggles and
the joys.

Warmly,
- Josh


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This is an EQ Reflection from www.6seconds.org
©2005 Joshua Freedman