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A Context for Love

Many of the messy issues we see in people's lives --
in families, in business, in education, and in society
-- seem rooted in a basic fear of "not being good
enough." It translates to insecurity and defensiveness,
to ego battles and a painful "need" to be right at the
expense of another. Our fears leads to insecurity which
lead to competition which lead to reactivity -- to
divisiveness -- to isolation -- to rage or depression.

While I believe every feeling, including fear, has
innate value and wisdom, learning from this fear is
often overwhelming.

An antidote is both simple, universal, and somehow
terrifying: Love.

"Unprofessional," "Illogical," "Nonscientific," and
worst, "Unmeasurable" -- but isn't it what we REALLY
mean when we talk about "caring" friends, caring
colleagues, caring teachers, caring parents, caring
communities?

Tonight my family celebrated the first night of
Chanukah, and I thought a little about the miracle
of love. As the kids were falling asleep, I told
them (yet another) story about Winston, the squirrel
who lives outside our house. Max wanted "Winston
and Santa Claus," but I said that had to wait a few
days. Emma said, "Tell about Winston and the first
night of Chanukah."

In the story, Winston asked our neighbor, Old Owl,
to tell him about the song "his children" were
singing. It went a little like this:

"The children's song drifted in the night, and Old
Owl knew just what Winston had seen. He said, 'It's
a special kind of party, Winston. Chanukah is a
celebration of the returning of the light, the
light of day and the light of love that's in every
person -- and the miracles of family and of hope.'

Winston did not quite understand, so Old Owl sent
him back to his house to look in the window of 'his'
house. Winston scurried across the street as fast
as a squirrel (which he is), and he looked into
the window of his house.

He saw his boy and girl sitting at the table with
their parents, they were bathed in the glow of two
small candles. Their eyes were full of love and
they looked so happy just being there together
singing and watching the candles.

Then Winston understood. He saw how love is like
a light that surrounded his family, and how it
really is a miracle that people can love each
other. He watched the candles for a long time
too, then went to his tree to snuggle down to sleep.

As he fell asleep in his little nest in the oak
tree, he dreamed about the candles burning bravely
in the darkness."

(Most nights the story seems to end, coincidentally
of course, with Winston snuggling down to sleep in
his oak-tree nest.)

Tonight it is the darkest night of the year, and
whatever your spiritual beliefs, I hope you will
join me in imagining a miracle:

What if all children, everywhere in the world,
could end the year knowing they are loved and worthy
of love? What would happen in the next generation?
What would happen to you and I?

I don't understand love, I don't know what it means
or even where it comes from. I don't know why
sometimes it hurts so much, or why sometimes we
stop feeling it. Maybe that's why it's so scary.
So instead of analyzing it away, or reducing it to
something we can quantify, I'd like to accept it
as a miracle, a uniquely human grace, a kind of
redemption, a promise.

In the spirit of miracles, I'd like every person,
everywhere, no matter if he is afraid, no matter
if she is lonely, to know that they can kindle a
light of love. I'd like them to see that now is
the season of light returning, and we each are a
part of it. I want them to know in their hearts
-- I want you to know in yours -- that if we choose
to make it so, each of us can be a candle burning
bravely in the darkness.

With love,
- Josh

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Feel free to forward if you keep this part too:
©2004 Joshua Freedman, Six Seconds EQ Network (www.6seconds.org)

Joshua Freedman is the Director of Programs for
Six Seconds EQ Network, a not-for-profit
organization teaching emotional intelligence to
organizations, schools, and communities around
the world. Join us online: http://www.6seconds.org