I can't believe it's Friday afternoon. I can't believe summer's
over. Heck, I can hardly keep up with the fact that it's 2003.
Ouch! I've been meaning to write an EQ reflection -- so I'll
seize the afternoon and talk about time -- and share a story
about Emma.


"Time Flies"

When the kids were born, people always said, "Oh, it will go by
so quickly" with this nostalgic sing-song -- at the time I was
thinking that it probably would not be nearly quick enough!

It's strange how time expands and contracts. Sometimes an hour
seems to take forever. Yesterday I was waiting for Dr. Lucy to
come back and take out the acupuncture needles, and 30 minutes
seemed eternal! Other times I find myself getting whiplash
flipping the calendar pages. (I don't actually have calendar
pages, but you can't really get whiplash clicking through the
months on the online calendar...)

I like tools for keeping track of tasks and organizing information.
Maybe that's why I am good at project management. At the same
time, I've found that I often overwhelm myself by creating a "to do"
list that's 13 miles long. Ugh. That's a sure way to keep the
minutes crawling by!

Lately I've been experimenting with a new format from my "to do"
list. Down the side I have the major projects and current goals.
Such as, "Launch NexusEQ Conference," "Bring in new business,"
and, "Keep web sites current."

Then, across the top I have "Today," "Soon," "Later." In the
resulting grid I put action items. My process is to keep the
"today" column reserved for items I am determined to complete
in 24 hours. That way I get the satisfaction of actually having
everything OFF the list once in a while!

Each morning I go through my list, add new items, and re-sort.
Re-sorting is essential -- it's a process of continually assessing
what's important, and what's important for you (to sustain your
energy). The sad fact is the stuff in the "Later" column will
probably never get done -- and as long as I keep re-sorting to
move important tasks into focus, that's all ok.

One problem is that sometimes the left-column ends up with
"yuck" tasks. I can churn through a bunch, then I have to indulge
my quest for meaning by taking a yummy task out of the middle
column. Right now that's sharing this story about Emma.

"Keep on Parenting"
Lately we've been focused on improving the way Emma and Max
interact. A couple weeks ago the "battle zone" was out of control,
and I was pulling my hair out one day (and I don't really have hair
to spare!) I had a call with my friend Maurice Elias about his
presentation at the upcoming NexusEQ Conference, and since Maurice
has such practical insight into parenting, I mentioned my kid
conflict stress.

Maurice said that he and his wife happen to have been only children,
so they didn't grow up fighting with siblings. As a result, neither
of them "just accepted" the conflicts between their children.
Empathetically Maurice agreed it was an incredible lot of work --
and that it is possible to have more peace in the house.

Patty and I talked about it and recommitted to teaching them to
treat one another better. We attempt to empathize and also hold
strict boundaries of what's acceptable. That means Emma's had
a lot of time-outs in the last couple weeks.

The challenge for me is to not get sucked into their conflict --
to maintain what some teachers call the "neutral voice," the
calm-but-forceful authority. I found out I was not succeeding a
few days ago when Emma was sent to her room.

I came in to check on her, and she said, sounding just like me,
"Daddy go out of here RIGHT now -- ONE, Two..." So, another lesson
from my 3' tall EQ teacher -- and so I'll keep practicing.

The conflicts with Emma and Max do seem to be abating somewhat --
perhaps just a miracle of passing time, or perhaps a result of our
interventions. Most likely a little of each.

Enjoy your weekend! I hope time stretches to fit just right.
- Josh

Joshua Freedman


Please feel free to forward and share -- I appreciate it when people
invite their friends and colleagues to subscribe!

Just keep this part too, please:
This is an EQ Reflection from Six Seconds EQ Network: http://www.6seconds.org
©2003, Joshua Freedman.