It's Just Too Complicated!

In the midst of about 15 projects, I look up and I'm 25
minutes late to meet Patty and the kids. I fly out the door
roar over the hill, rush onto the freeway... and hit the
molasses of traffic. Crawling along, I can feel the pounding
as my blood pressure shoots up; finally I just start
shouting expletives and pounding the steering wheel.
I am not sure that actually helps -- but in a way it feels good.

Sitting there I began telling myself that life is just too
complicated. That being a husband and a father of two
preschoolers was too much on top of helping to run a
nonprofit and running a web consulting business and
otherwise living my life. I started saying, "I just can't
take this." I wanted it all to go away. I wanted no one
to want anything from me, no one to need me, no one
to depend on me.

I imagined this feeling of freedom. Then I imagined
the emptiness.

I imagined not hearing Max saying, "Good morning
Daddy Bear;" not having Emma ask me to read Little
House on the Prairie; not having Patty tell me about
all her project or cuddle close to me when it's cold
at night. And I realized that the complexity is nothing
compared to the richness.

There is no question that having a family is complicated.
No parent has to be convinced of Chaos Theory -- the
inevitability of entropy is evident every hour of the
day. The near-constant sibling arguments, the endless
stream of laundry, the toys that cascade across the floor
all add up to tremendous complexity and tension.

And fulfillment.

My best friend, Corin, says having kids is evidence that
biology is more powerful than intellect. It's true, there
is something fundamentally irrational about the joy of
parenthood, of familyhood. I take it as evidence that
cognition can't fathom the transcendent; true happiness
lies outside the realm of reason.

Maybe people have always had those moments where
life just felt overwhelming. I suspect the pace of life
today, the flood of information, the speed of our
expectations, the number of tasks we each undertake,
and the scarcity of support makes us all likely to feel
"at the end of the rope" many times each week. I don't
suppose the world is going to slow down again, so I guess
we'd all better build up our capacity to deal with
complexity. It seems that the feeling of appreciation
is key to that ability.

You know that cliché, "When you get to the end of your
rope, tie a knot and hang on"? I've come to believe that
the "end of the rope" is wherever we set it. Whenever
we start saying, "I'm at the end of my rope," we're at
the end! So, rather than tying a knot, perhaps that "end
of the rope feeling" means it's time to remember why
you're holding on in the first place.

So, give some time this week to remember why you're
juggling all those balls. If you can't find a reason,
imagine putting them down, passing them off to other
people, or just letting them fall. Are you content with
that? Then maybe you're juggling the wrong balls! On
the other hand, if that complexity is part of the very
fabric of your life, of your sense of meaning and purpose,
then let yourself feel the appreciation -- and keep on
juggling!

Warmly,
-Josh


----------- ### ---------------


Feel free to share this message; keep this part too,
please: ©2003, Joshua Freedman; Six Seconds EQ Network.
http://www.6seconds.org


----------- ### ---------------


About the author:
Josh is the Director of Programs for the Six Seconds
EQ Network, a nonprofit organization helping people
find more meaning in their lives by developing emotional
intelligence in schools, businesses, and families around
the world. Josh coordinates Six Seconds' projects with
organizations while he researches the key ingredients
that allow some teams to excel beyond the sum of their
parts. Please contact Josh if you have a high performing
team he can study -- or if you want your team to
perform better!


----------- ### ---------------