The Fourth of July is coming soon, Independence Day here in the US.
In honor of that, here is an article about struggling with independence
and motivating employees (and kids) to be a little less… well...
independent!
-Josh


"Because I Said So" and Other Ways of Leading

A frequent concern I hear from managers is, "Why don't my people do
what they are supposed to do?" They seem concerned about motivating
others and also about maintaining authority. It probably also helps to
develop realistic expectations based on an understanding of what really
drives people.

Most parents can relate to this dilemma -- how many times have you
wished, "If only my child would just do what I say to do!" The difference
is that while parents know their kids won't listen the first time, or even
the fortieth, managers expect their employees will.

On the one hand, it's not unreasonable. Employees are more-or-less
grown up, and they're paid to do a certain job. Shouldn't they just do
the job, including all the steps and processes that make it safe, effective,
and profitable?

With my own kids, I have a similar issue: I don't mind debating about
"big things," but why do we have to argue about every little decision
(such as what shoes to wear today)? The problem, I suspect, is that I
am seeing an issue as unimportant and the kids are seeing the same issue
as vital. I am impatient because of my assessment, and they are baffled
by my impatience.

In the same way, managers -- especially senior managers -- assess
situations in dramatically different ways from most employees. A
colleague told me about a recent meeting in a hospital where he works.
The CEO gave that talk (so well-known these days) about needing to
manage costs while improving service -- he said that for the hospital
to be successful, it needed to be more profitable.

This is almost certainly true. It's also almost certainly true that
most of the people in the room could not care less about the bottom
line. I know that those of you who are senior managers are ready to
scream right now, "They HAVE to care! They won't have a job if the
company does not succeed." Just like my wanting to scream at the
kids, "It's only the shoes you're wearing for an hour!!"

Lesson one: Just because it is obvious to you does not make it obvious
to them -- and just because it is important to you, does not make it
important to them.

So what leads people to "do what they're supposed to do?" Is information
about what you expect and how to do the job enough? Some people seem to
be "automatically" motivated and obedient most of the time -- and many
of them become managers! They have an internal drive, perhaps they like
the challenge, or they're goal-oriented, or they like to please others.

Most of us, however, are a bit more skeptical (or perhaps impatient) and
we want something more. We want tasks to make sense. We want to know
that the work we're doing has meaning, and they the people we serve are
not wasting our lives. So, we ask, "Why?" And we work harder when
there is a real answer.

When I was a child, I often would challenge my father's authority by
asking why I had to do what he said. His answer, "Because I said so!"
His words and tone caused me to stop asking because I was afraid. So
I swore I'd never talk to my children that way.

My two-year-old son, Max, likes to say, "Why?" to just about
everything! Usually it's his way of interacting (rather than
challenging), almost a habitual way of engaging in dialogue. Still,
much to my chagrin, I find myself saying, "Because I said so!"
"Max, pick up those toys."
"Why Dad-dy?"
"Because they are messy."
"Why?"
"Well, because you threw them on the floor."
"Why?"
"Let's just clean up now, I'll help you."
Often the dialogue continues in the same vein 'till Max finally says,
"Oh, I see." Or, I just stop.

The important realization is that Max's quest for "Why?" is insatiable.
And it is supposed to be! Like most of us, he is seeking to understand
his purpose and his relationship with the world -- he is seeking
meaning.

Most employees, most people, want to belong to something great. They
want to participate in work that adds meaning and purpose to their lives.
And if it's a job without much meaning, they won't engage -- and they
won't stay. It's not enough to offer them a path out of a meaningless
job, if you want them to fully participate, you have to make meaning
in the job.

For Max, just having dialogue and partnership -- having me participate
in cleaning up along side him -- creates enough meaning (sometimes) for
him to engage in cleaning up the blocks. That's a prime reason so many
management and leadership trainings talk about the importance of
role-modeling: If you are important, what you do is important, so you
create meaning simply by participating. Meaning can also come just from
the social interaction, from belonging and participating together.

Lesson Two: People want to belong to something great because it
adds meaning and purpose to their lives.

A final challenge in "getting people to do what they're supposed to do"
is even harder to handle. Who decides what they're "supposed to do?"
In the opening, I said the manager is concerned about both motivation
and authority. It turns out that the two are mutually exclusive. You
can motivate people, or you can make them obedient.

Motivating is about hooking into that inner sense of purpose. It's
about connecting the individual's goals and mission with the
organization's goals and mission. True motivation is connected to
relationships, belonging, purpose, collaboration, challenge, and
dialogue.

Obedience is about leveraging fear or greed. It's about ensuring they
know who has power to give rewards and punishments, and finding the
hooks that they'll respond to. Obedience grows from one-way
communication, dehumanization, and threat.

Framed in these extremes, it's easy to see that creating fear of the
authority makes it pretty challenging to create a partnership with the
authority. With my kids, I have moments where I just wish they'd obey
me. If I wanted obedience, I know I could get it (for a few years) by
being scarier, tougher, less flexible, less vulnerable. To manage my
impulse in those moments, I hold onto the long-term goals. I want them
to lead through passion and vision, not through fear and intimidation,
so I need to model that. I want my kids to grow up to challenge inequity,
to search for higher truth, to quest for life's deeper meaning. Likewise,
managers want employees to create committed relationships with clients,
to find better solutions, to build greatness.

Lesson three: Long-term greatness outweighs short-term discomfort.


If you put these three lessons together, you have what it takes "to
get people to do what they are supposed to do."

1. Just because it is obvious to you does not make it obvious to them
-- and just because it is important to you, does not make it important
to them. An effective manager understands what's important to her
people and to helps them understand what's important to her.

2. People want to belong to something great because it adds meaning
and purpose to their lives. A powerful manager ensures that his people
see their work has meaning and purpose by doing it too, and by
"connecting the dots" between the day-to-day work and the larger vision.

3. Long-term greatness outweighs short-term discomfort. A wise
manager reacts in ways that grow employees who will be exceptional
in five years.


To practice, here are three exercises to raise your awareness:

Lesson one: List three critical corporate objectives from your
current strategic plan. Add three "human" objectives such as "make
our company a place where people love to come to work," and "create
open communication between departments." Ask people from each
level of the organization if they had to put in an extra day of work
to meet one of these, which would they choose to work on.

Lesson two: Interview several line employees and make a list of all
they are required to do, and see if they know why. Go through the
list and see if you can articulate the "why" in a way that makes
sense to you, then do it again and articulate it in a way that makes
sense to employees.

Lesson three: Make a list of all the people who report to you, and
list a frustration you've got with each one. Then, identify their
greatest strength or asset that if developed, would make them a
star employee. Now look at the list and see if you can think of an
example for each employee where you acted on the frustration,
and in so doing "dented" that potential for greatness.

Please let me know what happens -- and if you make any changes
after doing the exercises, I'd like to hear about that!

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Please forward to others interested in EQ, just keep this part too please!
©2003, Joshua Freedman, Six Seconds
Six Seconds EQ Network: Inspiring emotional wisdom.

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About the author:
Joshua Freedman is the Director of Programs for the Six Seconds EQ Network.
He is co-author of the Handle With Care Learning Journal (http://6seconds.org/hwc) and two other books on learning EQ.
Josh also coordinates the International NexusEQ Conferences (http://NexusEQ.com) and leads Six Seconds' Organizational training (http://6seconds.org/business).

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