EQ Reflection: Making Decisions as the World Tour Continues!

Kate and I are on the plane returning from a powerful and inspiring
experience in Mexico where I learned about using long-term
commitments to step around fear and discomfort. Last week we had a
group of Norwegian occupational health pracitioners for a two-day
course in San Francisco, and in two days a team from EQ Japan is coming
for a project.

I feel incredibly inspired seeing this global movement expanding and
becoming more powerful. All across the globe, people are finding new
commitment and drive to develop the tools to enhance their personal and
professional relationships.

Often people come to our certification courses and say, "I was losing my
energy for this work because I felt so alone -- so this network of people
is vital to keeping me going." Likewise, I an renewed and sustained
knowing that we have so many allies in this work -- and by the lessons I
learn each time I work with the remarkable people engaged in emotional
development.

In Mexico we are collaborating with a team to create the Centro de
Inteligencia Emocional Mexico (CEIM) with a small goal: Ensure that
every child has access to the emotional skills so Mexico's next
generation can create a future of integrity, wisdom, and compassion.
The team comes from CUDEC, a school outside Mexico City -- they have
been running free parenting workshops for the last 14 years. Now
2000 parents are enrolled in the PAF course.

This weekend we launched the year long "Programa del Diplomado:
Viviendo Con Inteligencia Emocional" (Diploma program: Living with
Emotional Intelligence) which is a joint effort between CUDEC, Six
Seconds, and a program in Madrid. Please read more about the project
on the Developing World EQ Fund page -- http://eq.org/world -- and
please consider how you can help.

On the second evening, a delegate asked me a touching question:
"I am a sensitive person, and I seem to make all of my decisions with my
heart. Is this a problem?"
I answered, "Is it working for you?"
"Sometimes yes, sometimes no," she said with tears in her eyes.
Clearly she was struggling with this challenge, so I gave her a hug and
asked if I could think about it.

That night, Angelica Olvera, the leader of the PAF program and a Six
Seconds' Advisory Board member, Alfonso Malpica, the Principal of
CUDEC, Amparo Pastor, the therapist from Spain, Kate and I had dinner.
I shared the question with them. "How do you bring your head and heart
together when you make a decision?"

Alfonso's response surprised me: "I make my best decisions when I stop
thinking of costs and benefits, and just think of the value." He found it
ironic because in his role as the CEO of a large school (5000 students),
he constantly has to make bottom-line decisions. I kept thinking about
Alfonso's response, especially the next day when I was teaching about
fear.

It ocurred to me that in all of our decisions, large and small, there are
the short-term results, and the long-term results. The short-term
results of decisions are often measured by a desire to avoid unpleasant
feelings and seek pleasant ones. If we stay focused on the sort term, we
tend to avoid discomfort for ourselves or those we are protecting.

On the other hand, when we focus on the long term, these relatively
transitory concerns become less important. We can all handle
discomfort -- and we can even allow those we love to feel discomfort --
when there is a larger reason. In fact, Seldon's and Elliot's research on
goals show that connecting day-to-day work with long-term goals
increases life satisfaction (1999).

What can help maintain that focus? Soon I will write again about noble
goals -- and why focusing on giving (on the "arrow pointing outwards")
is such an essential tool for maintaining a larger vision.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear ideas you have about blending head and
heart -- and about not being driven by relatively minor discomforts!


Again, don't forget to visit the Developing World EQ Fund page -- it is a
collaboration of EQ leaders (including Peter Salovey, Anabel Jensen,
Esther Orioli, Lauren Hyman, and Jack Mayer) all committed to making
EQ education available in countries that need it the most.

http://eq.org/world


Warmly,
-Josh

Joshua Freedman
Director of Programs, Six Seconds
My noble goal: "To inspire connections of learning, widsom, and love."

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©2002, Joshua Freedman
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