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Source: Joshua Freedman -- http://www.6seconds.org
Just when I thought our email system was really working... last
night's Weekly Byte did not go out. So I wrote this one.
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Anger

Gunpowder had produced great beauty, solved impossible problems,
and killed and maimed millions. It is inherently dangerous, but not
inherently bad. Likewise, anger is a primal force with capacity
for great production or great destruction.

Anger is misunderstood, and often closely tied to feelings of fear,
shame, loss, and joy. It feels powerful and righteous, terrifying and
dehumanizing, effective and out of control. Contributing to the
confusion are volumes of contradictory thinking on anger. Some
"schools of thought" advocate raw expression -- get it out, hit the
pillow, scream and rage 'till it is "out of your system." Meanwhile
research indicates that venting is at best gratuitous, and most likely
simply increases the potency (see below).

On the other hand, shrinking from anger leads to powerlessness and
more fear. How often have you heard, "It made me so mad I decided
I'd just do something about it... and I did!" The challenge is refining
the energy and directing it toward action.
The process is easy: Pause, Analyze, Choose, Act. Repeat.
Following the process is not easy.


Quotes
"I have a right to my anger, and I don't want anybody telling me I
shouldn't be, that it's not nice to be, and that something's wrong with
me because I get angry."
-- Maxine Waters, in Brian Lanker, I Dream a World, 1989

"Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor."
-- Elizabeth I, in Francis Bacon, Apophthegms, 1625

"If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself: 'I used to be
angry every day; then every other day; now only every third or
fourth day.' When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of
thanksgiving to the gods."
-- Epictetus (50 AD - 138 AD)


Research Says...
Venting anger tied to more aggression. Psychologists Brad Bushman
and Angela Stack of Iowa State University and Roy Baumeister of Case
Western Reserve University tested "venting" and found that it
increased aggression. Both the study and control groups were
insulted by an unseen "peer," then had the opportunity to "punish"
him by pressing a button that would provide a painfully loud noise.
Before pushing the button, the study group hit a punching bag for 10
minutes to vent, and the other group waited. As a group, the
"punchers" pushed the button far longer. (Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology 1999;76:367-376)


Try this:
Next time you feel angry, take a break and listen to your feelings.
What are the range of feelings you have? Write them down or color
them.

What would you like to change or make different? Write it down or
draw it.

What is one of your own thoughts, feelings, or actions that you could
shift would help make that change more possible? Try it. If it does
not help, pick again, but keep the focus on what you can do.


Feel free to forward and/or reprint so long as you keep this bit:
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(c) 2001, Joshua Freedman, Six Seconds EQ Network
http://www.6seconds.org