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Never Underestimate


May 3, 2001


Yesterday when Patty left for her midwife appointment,
she made a point of telling me to be ready to come to the
hospital. No doubt she had picked up my skepticism that
this baby was EVER going to be born... or at least not on
Patty's timetable.

Since she's been having contractions on and off for 3
weeks, you will not be too surprised that I took this
pronouncement with a grain of salt. Even when she called
the office and told me she was going over to the hospital, I
was not fully convinced that baby two was coming soon.

I arrived at the birthing center half an hour later, about
3:30, and the baby was born at 6:05. Once again I forgot
the power of a determined woman (and an awesome
midwife)!

Maxwell Abraham Freedman -- pretty big name for such a
little guy. Now almost one day old. He is kind of scrunchy
-- sorry Max! -- but very cute (of COURSE). I am looking
forward to many more hours of holding him, tiny and blinking,
softest thing in the world. Emma is now so squirmy! I get
about 5 seconds of holding before she is cavorting toward
freedom.

Holding your new baby is... well, I am at a loss! It is like a
moment of soul's perfection wrapped in a warm towel. It is
like waking from a nap on a summer's Sunday, warm and
blissful, and nothing but the moment is real or relevant. It is
like falling asleep in your parent's bed, tucked in and part of
something continuos, meaningful, and unshakable.

Then it is back to chasing the two-year-old! She and I just
had a BIG fight about putting away toys. About listening. About
who gets to be the boss. We made up, cleaned up, and now
Emma is napping. Soon we'll go back to the hospital and visit
again.

Emma is interested in Max. Today when I called her "honey
honey honey" and gave a big squeeze, she said, "No Daddy, not
'honey' -- Big Girl or Sister." Up 'till today "Big Girl" has
been Emma's "secret name" (just as Momma's secret name is
"Patty.")

I take the inclusion of "Sister" as a good sign -- we are
working hard to start this relationship off as-smoothly-as-
possible. Patty read an article which said,"Parents often try
to tell older siblings things like, 'Well sweetheart, we love
you so much that we decided to have another baby.'"

The article goes on to explain, "This is like
your husband coming home saying, 'Love, our marriage is so
great I decided to bring home ANOTHER wife! --
No, it's great, she can be your wife too!'"

So when Emma first came to the hospital, Max was quietly
tucked away in the bassinet, and later we asked if she wanted
to see the baby. Moments later, "Max, Away." And Max went
back to his bassinet. Tonight when Patty comes home, though,
I think Emma will be quite concerned.

I think part of my fear about this jealousy is knowing how
much my sister and I struggled -- and how miserable she
made me! And I am sure I contributed as much anguish to her
childhood. All those years of parental voices, "You will be
glad to have a sister when you are older..." "Sure. What
planet are you from??? You've never had a sister like THIS."

It turns out they were right. Right enough, even, that I am
willing to subject our little family to two decades of
battleground.... At the same time, Patty and I are willing to
work very hard now to reduce the warfare later. A
peacekeeping investment.

I'm curious about how this story will turn out. Emma is at
least as determined as her mother, so it seems our work as
parents will be less and less about directing, and more and
more about not under estimating.


As always, when I write to you about my children, I am
grateful to know that there are people around the globe
committed to creating a context where these small people can
grow up with positive relationships, can come of age as part of
the fabric of humanity. So thank you now,
and in advance for tomorrow's efforts.

Warmly,
-Josh

This message is from EQ Reflections, the new "stories" part of
EQ News. Feel free to forward/reproduce as long as you keep
this part: ©2001, Joshua Freedman; Six Seconds
http://www.6seconds.org

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