In 2005 I was Chairman of the first Emotional and Spiritual Intelligence Conference in the Middle East, a three-day program in Dubai in the United Arab Emirates. I wrote this article on the last day of the conference, May 30, 2005.

We live in a time of turmoil and uncertainty and, if we accept the world that we see in newspaper headlines, it is all too easy to forget that the vast majority of people in the world are good, caring human beings just like us.  When we meet as human beings — not as representatives of some clan or creed — there is vast common ground.

Behind the Veil

Preparing to go to the conference center, I am full of unease. I walk through the lobby strewn with rose petals, and feel surrounded by men in white dishtash and women in black abaya. I’ve worked with many Arabs and Muslims, but this is my first time in the Gulf, and I find myself curious at the sight of all this traditional garb — and worried.

I move quickly through the hall and go back stage. At a conscious level, I am telling myself that I am worried about the conference logistics, that I am concerned the audience might not understand our work, that technical glitches might interfere with learning. But none of the technology is my responsibility, and I realize that I’m bothering the technicians as a way of hiding from all these strangers.

I realized I am afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid that I will not be accepted, that I will be judged, that people will not listen – I often have fears like this at the beginning of a program. Here, it is stronger because, underneath, I am also afraid I will be hated or held in contempt as a Jew and an American.

Unexamined, unrecognized, the fear is influencing me on an unconscious level - influencing  me to hide away and to rationalize my behavior. Once I recognize that I am afraid, however, I can see what I am really doing and can make a choice. Especially in face of fear, it is difficult to make proactive choices.

Fortunately, in this work I have learned about a lever I can use to move myself past the fear: my sense of purpose.

I am deeply committed to co-creating an emotionally intelligent world, and I can’t do that hiding in the corner. Remembering my Noble Goal (“To inspire compassionate wisdom”) gives me the courage to act. I begin walking around the lobby speaking with some of these strangers.

They do not turn away.

I say ‘hello’ to three men wearing traditional Arab clothes. They are from Saudi Arabia. One must have noticed my effort to reach out past the fear, because he says, “Thank you for coming up to us, I guess this is part of emotional intelligence”. I hear his warmth and appreciation – he recognizes the effort, the risk, and there is something sparked between us. Maybe they too are a little afraid.

These fears are reinforced at many levels. For example, I happened to read an email from my grandmother today saying, “I wish you could stay home from all those dangerous places”. On a factual basis, the United Arab Emirates is one of the safest countries in the world. Diverse, cosmopolitan, accepting, and with hardly any crime (and, in case you’re wondering, they don’t have extreme or violent penalties for crimes). Yet, on an emotional level, many of us have such uncertainty, such fear of the unknown, about a place so different from home.

The conference kick-off is smooth. Daniel Goleman is live via satellite - and I find myself wishing he could see this room full of white-robed and black-robed delegates. He speaks about how we can influence one another on an emotional level as leaders and humans, and it seems so apropos to my experience today.

On the second day of the conference, the sense of connection gets even stronger. In my workshop on Leading with EQ, I share how we apply our Six Seconds model to business, and also to our personal and family lives. The group clearly sees the value of these tools in leadership and life, and something happens beyond the content. We all interact with each other as people and talk; we share perspectives and feelings. From dialogue comes respect and tolerance, appreciation and acceptance.

On the final day in the closing session, the discussion turns to how emotional intelligence can help bridge the gaps between people – in organizations, relationships, communities, and nations. Many of the speakers and audience members have noticed, have felt, how we are no longer a group of unknown strangers.

Danah Zohar suggests that we commit to test the power of this kind of dialogue by developing an EQ/SQ conference with Palestinians and Israelis attending together.

Following her theme, I challenge the audience and myself to consider the action we can each take to move past our fears. We can only truly access the power of our emotional and spiritual selves if we each begin with ourselves. I offer, “I would like to bring my children here”. I plan to say more, but I feel myself on the verge of tears, so I begin to call on someone else.

There is a table at the front reserved for women, all in traditional abaya and sheila (black gowns and veils). They’ve been nearly silent these three days, but now one calls out, “Why?” “Why?” she repeats assertively, “Why do you want to bring your children here?”
“Because I want them to grow up knowing Arabs as good, caring people,” I say, “People with the same hopes and dreams we all hold. Because I do not want my two Jewish and American children to grow afraid just because they do not know.”

Later I think to myself, “and because I want them to be friends with your children”.

The power of facing and voicing feelings, especially fears, is profound. Just expressing this fear I can feel the connection forming between us. At the next break, three different men come speak to me: “When you come back to the Emirates,” each says, “I want you to come to my house so your children can play with my children”.

Over and over in my travels, I’ve found that, beneath the infinite variety of human complexity, beneath the cultures and nations, beneath the religions and rivalries, beneath the differences, we are profoundly alike. I keep forgetting, and then I have these experiences to remind me. And, more and more, I am seeing that emotions are at the heart of this similarity. A universal language that both bonds us and liberates us - if we will only find the courage to learn it more deeply, and use it more carefully.

Interview with Six Seconds’ COO Joshua Freedman:

Dubai Knowledge Village Highlights Catalyst Role Of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) For Organizational Growth – Workshop Features EQ Guru Joshua Freedman

Dubai Knowledge Village (DKV), a member of TECOM Investments, recently hosted a presentation by Joshua Freedman, a world leading authority on developing and applying Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Chief Operating Officer of Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Network, highlighting the potential of EQ as a catalyst for growth among organizations.

Freedman was addressing a workshop on ‘The EQ Advantage: The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence’, organized by Dubai Knowledge Village in partnership with Dynamic Learning-Six Seconds, a leading training and development consultancy offering an effective range of human resource solutions. Over 160 delegates attended the event.

In his presentation, Freedman detailed how people can increase EQ to be happier, stronger and more effective as an individual and a professional. Essentially regarded a soft skill, emotional intelligence is defined as ‘the ability to use emotions effectively – the key competence for relating to people, sustaining drive, and making optimal decisions’.

Dr Ayoub Kazim, Executive Director, Dubai Knowledge Village and Dubai International Academic City, said: “Joshua Freedman is acclaimed worldwide for his transformational learning programmes. It was an honour to have him lead the DKV workshop on Emotional Intelligence that saw him sharing practical strategies for applying the concept into one’s personal or professional life.

“In line with our mission to contribute towards strengthening Dubai’s knowledge base, Dubai Knowledge Village aims to periodically host such open workshops that offer fresh insights into developing additional skills.”

During the day-long event, Freedman highlighted several case studies and surveys focusing on organizational challenges to demonstrate how companies effectively leverage the science to enhance individual and team productivity.

Captivating the audience with his dynamic presence and signature humour that served as an effective ice-breaker, Freedman emphasized ‘belonging’ and ‘purpose’ as two crucial engagement factors, boosting EQ’s potential as a major building block for long-term success. He additionally discussed how emotions, as a vital component of strategic thinking, could motivate people to achieve higher levels of efficiency and ultimately contribute to the phenomenal growth of an organization.

The workshop on EQ was organised as part of Dubai Knowledge Village’s endeavour to grow as a regional centre for learning and excellence, while continuing to spearhead activities that highlight the importance of developing a highly skilled knowledge community.

Home to over 400 professional training centres, the cluster specializes in human resource development, human resource management, professional testing, as well as management training and consultancy services.

Source: Dubai City Guide, Nov 30, 2008

Excerpt:

While many leaders possess the technical skills to succeed, exceptional leaders have a secret ingredient that inspires businesses to world-class performance: Emotional Quotient (EQ).

EQ is the ability to integrate thinking and feeling to make optimal decisions and is the foundation of high performing relationships. Businesses lose customers when they fail to form strong relationships with them. According to research, 70 per cent of all lost sales are EQ related and only 30 per cent are lost because of product, service quality, features or business benefits.

In today’s highly competitive world, it is important for organisations to use all available resources to the best of their ability, which includes EQ. Organisations and businesses from Microsoft and Lockheed Martin to the US Navy and Marine Corps are realising the benefits of EQ and are including EQ training in their work culture to help their staff become masterful at the “people side” of leadership.

Joshua Freedman is a master-trainer and author of books on EQ and the COO of Six Seconds, a company that develops leadership strategies. Freedman spoke to Emirates Business about the importance of EQ on the eve of his visit to the UAE for a seminar.

What role does EQ play in the success or failure of a business?

EQ is the capacity to be smart with feelings, to integrate emotion and analysis to make optimal decisions. The abbreviation ‘EQ’ comes from ‘Emotional Quotient’ – the measure of emotional intelligence. EQ is a learnable, measurable capacity that has profound affects on individual, team and organisational performance. Emotions make or break trust, change and innovation. We’ve all experienced how emotions can hamper our ability to solve problems and to build loyalty. However the opposite is also true and emotions can be used in a positive way to solve problems and build loyalty. Organisations rich in EQ have the assets to create a context where people excel. Can you imagine an organisation where trust is abundant and people are thrilled to come to work? Think how effectively people there would solve problems and innovate… And just imagine what customers would feel walking in that place. Once businesses succeeded because they had some unique product or process. Today’s businesses are more complex and are operating in a global market with constant, rapid change. In this context businesses succeed or fail because of people – and the way people connect internally and to customers. Emotions are the language and glue of relationships and emotional intelligence skills are the key to using emotions well.

How can businesses and organisations benefit from the strategy?

Our clients use EQ in developing three main areas of their business: leaders worth following, change that succeeds, and loyal customers. Real leaders envision a future and enroll people to co-create it. They inspire trust, courage, commitment and hope. While brilliance is essential, it’s not enough. Great leaders need to connect with people at a gut level. They have unique insight into people and they have a unique capacity to manage their own energy so that it resonates with others. This all grows from emotional intelligence – and we can teach these skills and make them part of the leadership culture. In terms of change, most efforts fail. Perhaps only 10 per cent of change efforts really hit the mark. Why? It is because most approaches to change focus on developing a technical and strategic plan, and they forget that humans need to execute the plan. How good is a strategy if people are not on board, or even actively resisting? So you need to take into account the human dynamics and the emotions that drive people. We can measure these intangibles, tweak strategies so they work with, rather than against, people, and teach competencies to make it work. Finally, in terms of customers, it’s a truism that relationship is everything. But how do you actually build that? EQ helps create a workforce that actually cares about customers and knows how to show it.

Link to Emirates 24/7

Marilynn Jorgensen, one of Six Seconds’ Senior Consultants, interviewed about the role of emotional intelligence in business by Greg Fairlie on “Inside Business” City 7, Dubai.

Part 1:

Part 2:

A friend of a friend went to Iran recently and took photos of kids and of their drawings about war and peace. Someone else then put together this video – it’s a little long, but I found it kept drawing me in. What must it feel like for children to hear superpowers talking about bombing their country? How do we help children make sense of the past and current conflicts so they create something different for the future?