Your thoughts are like commuters on a bus. You are the driver of the bus. The passengers may make critical, abusive, intrusive, distracting, and shouting directions as you drive. You can ignore these comments.  You can allow these passengers to shout noisily while keeping your attention focused on the road ahead.  You can focus on keeping the bus heading towards your goal or value.

©lewis-barr (Adapted from Hayes et al 1999 and Carol Vivyan 2009)

Abstract:

The United Arab Emirates is emerging as the business capital of the Middle East. In this complex, demanding environment, to what extent do the “soft skills” of emotional intelligence matter? In a study of 418 leaders living in the region, there is a very strong relationship between emotional intelligence skills and performance outcomes. Scores on the SEI (Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Assessment) predict over 58% of the variation in critical professional and personal success factors (such as effectiveness, influence, relationships, and career status). This means that if you want to get ahead in the Middle East, emotional intelligence is one of the most important capacities to develop.

A pdf version of the report and summary slides are available for download

Read the rest of this entry »

Emotional Intelligence explores how thoughts create feelings.  Here’s a deceptively simple tool.  When I’m caught in a worry cycle, I can use this flowchart as a good reminder.  I can examine my situation and take action.  One action is changing my thoughts –which will change my feelings.

We are delighted to announce that Six Seconds has opened its seventh office in the world.  The new office is located in Amman, Jordan and will be managed by certified Six Seconds practitioners Mr. Nadeem Nahhas and Ms. Souhair Dahdaleh.

Nadeem’s commitment to developing the people-side of performance began when he worked in Sales and Marketing across different sectors within the service industry.  After 6 years as a trainer and consultant, he became increasingly committed to the core skills of emotional intelligence as “the difference that makes the difference” in performance.  His Noble Goal is “To influence people positively towards healthy and fruitful living” and he is committed to living his life as a role-model manifesting the principles of emotional intelligence.

Having worked for about 9 years in the Marketing and Management fields, Souhair found out that her real calling in life lies in helping and empowering people. Her noble goal is “To passionately foster inspirational support and empowerment.” In order to live this noble goal, she did a career shift from Marketing to soft skills training and coaching. She became passionate about EQ after attending a short workshop in Jordan and reading a number of EQ books and then joining Six Seconds’ programs in the region.

The new office is in line with Six Seconds commitment to spread the transformational skills of EQ into even more places in the world, and specifically expand in the Middle East region.  The Jordan office brings group of highly prestigious and certified Arabic speaking professionals to its pool of certified Emotional Intelligence (EQ) practitioners which incorporates more than 3,000 members worldwide.   The timing is perfect with the momentum and growth Human Capital Development is witnessing in Jordan and the Middle East area and the need to build stronger, healthier, and more prosperous communities, businesses, families, and nations in the region and beyond.

With the global economic slowdown, Jordan’s GDP growth has suffered and foreign assistance to the government in 2009 dropped; slowing down the government’s efforts to control the large budget deficit. Jordan is mainly a services based economy where services consist of more than 65% of total GDP. This means that Jordan’s Human Capital represents a major asset and has a direct impact on the economic growth in the country.  In introducing EQ to Jordan, Six Seconds Jordan team is committed  to carry out a positive role in developing the skills and capabilities of the employees of various development sectors, and apply up-to-date training and consulting methods to meet the needs and wants of the different organizations in the private and public sectors.

As Nadeem put it: “We feel elated and proud to have been chosen to represent the Six Seconds network in Jordan.  It gives us great pleasure to launch Six Seconds’ unique Emotional Intelligence (EQ) training and consulting services, and become a real contributor to the latest research and development in this arena.”

For press coverage of the launch, see AME Info (English) or Al Malaf (Arabic)

Despite all our technological advances, isn’t life still full of mystery?  One enigma is our emotional inconsistency.  Some days we are the essence of centeredness and calm.  Then, out of seemingly nowhere, we are quick to explode.  We may be expert at hiding our emotional eruptions.  But even if they aren’t apparent to others, we know (if we’re honest with ourselves) that our inner switch is flipped—we’re enraged, furious, incensed.  Then we feel ashamed.  We deny our feelings to others and our self.  But do we take the time to ask—why does this situation lead to a sudden burst of anger?

Emotions don’t always give us “accurate” information about our environment but if we learn to use this unique internal software, we can benefit from our emotional data.  Through trial and error, we can learn our personal “program.”  We can repair any “faulty wiring” and analyze the emotional reports generated moment by moment.  Then we can use our emotions as an internal GPS—a guide through the dizzying array of choices we face everyday.

This week, on two different occasions, I was uncharacteristically outraged.  As I thought about each event, I realized that my anger was recurring –and growing.

My short fuse shows me that my choices aren’t working.  In one case, I’ve found myself fuming after a prospective buyer is a ½ hour late for a showing of our home.  Why such an over-reaction?  It “shouldn’t be” such a big deal.  Then I realize that after a year of showing the house, I’ve become more frazzled and frustrated with the endless trials of selling a house.  My emotions tell me, “Enough!   It is time to give up (for now).”

My other challenge is a relationship.  I’ve tried to “make it work” but my reactions give me another message.  I’m not weathering minor conflicts well.  Each small struggle seems huge to me.  I’m quick to feel outrage, to sulk, or brood over an injustice that, in other situations, I’d barely notice.  When I think of ending our contact, my anger subsides and I immediately feel calm.   I may argue that I “shouldn’t” let this friendship end.  Maybe I “shouldn’t.”  But if I’ve worked through my psychological blind spots (an ongoing task), my current emotions may discern more about a situation than I (as yet) consciously understand.  It may be months or years before I finally comprehend what my unconscious emotional self knew all along.

I don’t like being angry. (Who does?) Rage is murder on the immune system and people don’t like a furious person.  But anger gets my attention.  It’s like a good friend who will tell me the truth, even when I don’t want to hear it.

All emotions send us daily data that we can use for better living.  Are you utilizing the messages of your emotions–your internal GPS?

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person.  Still, in some situations, my brain doesn’t work well.  I struggle with simple math calculations.  And I get lost.  A lot.  Yesterday I walked a mile in the wrong direction until I slowly understood my error.  At first, I denied the possibility.  I’ve always turned left at that intersection.  I know I turn left.  If the street looks different today, it’s because I’m walking instead of driving.

I plodded along looking for landmarks.  Finally, I asked for help, but when the driver pointed in the opposite direction, I didn’t believe him!  My brain couldn’t compute that I was going in the wrong direction. (Can we say cognitive dissonance?)    I continued walking.  But after several others confirmed my error, I stopped.  I stood still, in the middle of the urban jungle, trying to comprehend how my sense of direction could be so wrong.  I was only duplicating my previous travel to this site.

If only I could understand what happened.  But even without understanding, I now had to face the truth.  I had walked at least a mile in the hot sun.  Now I was even further from my goal.  I had given myself ample travel time but now I would be late.  I couldn’t be late—I was the one with the key !  I am never late!  That is why I gave myself 2 hours to reach this appointment.

I trudged along.  I had just missed the bus (of course).

As I walked in dismay, I suddenly realized my simple error.  It is the error I always make when I get lost and it is the error I never see or anticipate.  I had made an assumption.  My assumption was so rapid and unconscious I didn’t even know it was there.  I had assumed that I was coming from the same direction but now I wondered–had the train left me off at the same spot as my car route?  It had looked the same.  The train ran along the same highway I had taken previously.  I had scanned the intersection, confirming my route.   I had exited at this spot many times.  But there were no buildings as landmarks.  And then I remembered!  The “Blue  Line” train moves in a “U” shape.  My inaccurate assumption:  visualizing myself coming from home (west), when in fact, I had been turned around downtown.

I have a bad habit of making these kind of assumptions when I travel in unfamiliar places.  I always see myself as coming from the North or West and never think to question this.

Do I also make similar (unconscious) assumptions when I talk or listen to others?

One more realization emerged from this adventure.  Although I was traveling to an unfamiliar place, I had chosen trains I had taken before.  Later, I realized that other routes, using buses, would have been far easier and more direct.  I had followed the most familiar path available, never questioning other options.

It was a strange, woozy feeling to suddenly see my assumptions—the “sea I swim in.”  It was both embarrassing and exhilarating.   The world suddenly opened up, past my pre-conceptions.

When the events in your life attempt to point you in another direction, are you willing to question your assumptions?

© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Organizations Change Starting with People.

People Change Starting with Emotions.

This book shows you why… and how.

“INSIDE CHANGE provides a powerful and whole-minded approach to organizational transformation. Blending cutting-edge neuroscience with rock-solid business logic, this book will change the way you lead.”

Daniel H. Pink, author of A Whole New Mind and DRIVE

“INSIDE CHANGE is a solid, powerful book for every leader. The typical business approach to change just doesn’t work – this book will show you a better way.”
Alan Deutschman, author of Change or Die and Walk the Walk.

Drawing on a decade of experience applying emotional intelligence to leading change, Joshua Freedman (COO, Six Seconds global) and Massimiliano Ghini (Regional Director, Six Seconds Europe) provide a practical roadmap for making change work.  Whatever your approach to change, whether you’re driving LEAN or following the Kotter steps or supporting people in the Prochaska stages, you’ve seen that the human side – the emotional dimension – will make or break the process.  After all, less than 30% of change efforts succeed… and over 70% of the failures are due to people challenges.  How do you make sure you’re in the 30%?

For information and ordering options, see www.insidechange.net

Or order at a discount from Six Seconds (the publisher) (link: http://tinyurl.com/icorder )

The 2010 Workplace Issues Report captures input from 279 leaders and employees from a variety of sectors around the globe.  They said…

65% of the pressing issues are on the people side, 35% on the financial/technical side (but in 2007 it was 76/24). Even in the current economy, the people issues were seen as 30% more significant than the technical/financial issues.
The most pressing challenge today is maintaining a healthy culture under intense economic pressure. Respondents identify several aspects of leadership as the key to this, especially vision, feedback, and communication.
Getting and keeping good people – especially “people people” – will make the difference.	(graphic made with Wordle.net)
89% of respondents said feelings are highly important or essential in solving the problems they face.
Only 8% of respondents report that they’re fully trained to deal with the issues they’re seeing.
92% see the value of EQ — but only 33% say their organizations do likewise. Those that do see EQ as critical for their culture. Hospitality, T&D, Education, and Finance lead the way — Medical and Technology trail the pack.

Agree?  Disagree?  Take the survey yourself and ask 5 colleagues to do likewise.

To receive the complete report for free, just fill in this form.

You’ll receive the PDF via email within moments. The email comes from “staff@6seconds.org” so please watch for that!

Enter this graphic code*
First Name*
Last Name*
Email Address*
Organization
Role
Phone
* I agree that I will not distribute this document except for personal use †
Please subscribe me to Six Seconds newsletter
Comments

† Please feel free to make up to 10 copies; for larger quantities, please contact us for permission

♦

Updated Nov 15, 2009

Definitions and History of Emotional Intelligence

It all began about 2,000 years ago when Plato wrote, “All learning has an emotional base.” Since then, scientists, educators, and philosophers have worked to prove or disprove the importance of feelings. Unfortunately, for a large part of those two millenia, common thought was, “Emotions are in the way. They keep us from making good decisions, and they keep us from focusing.” In the last three decades, a growing body of research is proving just the opposite.

Read the rest of this entry »

I admit it’s a terrible habit – again sitting in a restaurant listening to the next table… but the guy was so loud I could hardly not!  Three people, “Joe” and 2 friends, Joe says he’s so glad to see them again and launches into a story.  Eventually says, “but I don’t want us to just talk about my stories…” and the proceeds to dominate the conversation for half an hour of virtually nonstop monologue.  Every once in a while the others manage to slip in a word but Joe grabs back the conversation.  It seems like Joe KNOWS he dominates and has at least a vague intention of sharing the stage, but doesn’t.

So:  Is Joe self-aware?

And, if he is, what’s missing?

Sometimes people talk about emotional intelligence as “paying attention to feelings,” which is nice but inadequate.  Maybe even useless.  We do need to ACCURATELY identify and understand feelings, but I contend that to be “intelligent” we also need to use that data effectively.  When we use mathematical intelligence we accurately identify the info and use it to come up with answers that solve problems.  How about when we use EQ?

(And, how about my admission of my terrible habit?)
♥

One of my triggers is a desire to “fight for my rights” if I sense that I’m not supported in my work.  My fight response may manifest subtly as a tenacious search for an “unavailable” library book or the dogged pursuit of information from a tight-lipped colleague.  But underneath my smiling mask, I’m angry and even a bit paranoid at my treatment.  Why is this book unavailable when I know interlibrary loan has hundreds of copies to share?  Previously, the librarian had seemed miffed at my voracious reading habit.  Are her curt responses a way to dissuade my extensive borrowing?  Or am I imagining this?   Just because I’m (somewhat) paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get me…..

One of the many benefits of EI is that, knowing my patterns, I can question my assumptions and try to avoid overreacting to real or imagined threats.  While I mostly relate with patience and kindness to others, if I’m triggered, my distrust looms large.  Suddenly simple conversations become minefields.  I expect the worst and then….I get it.  Instead of peaceful and pleasant exchanges, I find that others are angry and unreasonable.  Why won’t they help me get what I need?

It’s remarkable to realize that even when I try to hide my fear or anger, others sense it and react.  Because we are all civilized humans, our squirmishes can be extremely subtle and happen in a microsecond.  We may be smiling but through tiny shifts of nonverbals and inflections, we’ll send a message covertly.  The true dimensions of our fight happen outside our awareness.  Then we can each feel innocent and victimized.

I’ve learned through much inner work that I can trust my intuitions.  I’m not crazy.  My librarian may indeed be thwarting my desires.  But even if she is, my inner reactions say more about my own psyche than the outward situation.  Why are my reactions to this so strong?  (No one else might see it, but I know I’ve been triggered.)   My book requests are important to me.  They represent a chance at learning and growth and advancement.  I’ve coached myself throughout this past year to not react too strongly when “Rita” seems to avoid my requests.  When she wouldn’t answer my emails, I went to her office and had a pleasant visit.  Another time, when she seemed upset, I brought cookies.  We’ve had great chats and my book crisis seemed solved–my patience rewarded.  But then I get another cryptic email and my anger and despair rush forward.

I’ll keep working on my reactions.  Rita may be slow to help, or maybe I continue to misread her communications.  Whatever the case, these events offer great stories for my training and a hefty opportunity to explore some “hot” wiring in my psyche.  And my discomfort?  A wise teacher once helped me see that my discomfort is a form of grief –in this case, grief from some past injustice.  She told me that if I could simply allow myself to feel this pain, i.e. to grieve, my feelings would dissipate and lose their hold.  A simple concept and so hard to do!  But she was right. As I feel these difficult emotions, they pass through me and I grow stronger.

I write to remind myself of what I already know.  To encourage myself to feel my grief when I want to wring Rita’s neck.  It’s a small thing, a library book, but the small moments can teach us the most.  Huge events can be too overwhelming.  Or we rationalize and say that our extreme reactions are justified because the issue is so big.

What small events push your buttons? Is there grief hiding under your anger?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what happens to our EQ competencies when we’re stressed or compromised. This came about after taking the SEI several months ago and then taking it again recently with dramatically different results. I thought about the ‘snapshot’ concept and tried to place my frame of mind the first time I took it. Upon reflection, I could think of quite a few reasons why the results might have been as surprising and low as they were the first time around, based on my state of mind and body and heart at the time. I could also imagine many reasons my results might be different the second time around (including actual growth of my EQ!)

I then had a productive debrief with another person where we did a combination of debriefing each other as well as discussing the process in general. We ended up delving into all the valuable information we can gain from seeing which parts of our EQ are actually compromised most when we find ourselves in a difficult time, either for the short or long term. What a great way to approach the tool! It completely changed my view of the first SEI I took. All of a sudden I saw this enormous opportunity to learn amazing and important things about myself from that first report.

Extrapolation? It’s important to realize all we can learn from the ‘down’ side of things if we can open our eyes and hearts and not be afraid to look deep inside.

I was reading an article the other day about IQ, an interview between Mark Dery and Steven Pinker (http://tinyurl.com/nxjjmx), and while I was incredibly interested in the topic, I couldn’t help feeling that the whole article was excessively wordy. With a background as a biologist, I am capable of wading through wordy articles and sometimes maybe it’s even necessary. Of course, the world of IQ discussion has a long and lengthy background mired in psychology and many other fields that bring the baggage of language into the discussion and in this particular case, given the topic, I think the use of detailed language may be appropriate.

Working to deconstruct language and make ideas accessible to all is sometimes an art form. All that aside, I also believe that there is a certain amount of prestige or credibility that often goes along with using big words and sounding important and it’s important to balance the two ideas.

In terms of EQ, selling the concept to people unfamiliar with it sometimes requires evidence, data and ‘proof.’ I hope we all continue to keep the field of EQ open and accessible to everyone by remaining careful with our choice of language. I would love to hear the thoughts of others on this!

“…for leadership positions, emotional intelligence is more important than cognitive intelligence” – John Mackey, CEO – Whole Foods – Inc Magazine – July 2009

Here’s an excerpt:

Q: What traits should I look for when hiring for a leadership position?

A: My philosophy about this has definitely evolved over the years. I understand people a lot better today than I did 30 years ago. Back then, I was more impressed with people who were very articulate. In many companies, the person who talks the best usually gets the job. I got snowed by a few of those people over the years. I still think communication is important, but I don’t think there’s always a correlation between being a great communicator and other virtues that make for a great leader.

That’s why the first thing you should look at is character. I look for somebody who has classic virtues such as integrity, honesty, courage, love, and wisdom. Someone who is hard-working, candid, and ambitious, while still showing humility. I also look for people who have a high degree of emotional intelligence — a high capacity for caring. I think for leadership positions, emotional intelligence is more important than cognitive intelligence. People with emotional intelligence usually have a lot of cognitive intelligence, but that’s not always true the other way around.

More on John Mackey of Whole Foods on Hiring Leaders, Management Trends Article – Inc. Article.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about intuition and Emotional Intelligence. Writers such as Malcolm Gladwell and António Damasio have explored how “hunches” come from unconscious processes that involve our emotional brain. These intuitions provide extremely valuable information. Emotional Intelligence helps enhance this faculty.

Here’s a lengthy quote from Peter Senge’s The Fifth Discipline, on this subject.

Bilateralism is a design principle underlying the evolution of advanced organisms. Nature seems to have learned to design in pairs; it not only builds in redundancy but achieves capabilities not possible otherwise. Two legs are critical for rapid, flexible locomotion. Two arms and hands are vital for climbing, lifting, and manipulating objects. Two eyes give us stereoscopic vision, and along with two ears, depth perception. Is it not possible that, following the same design principle, reason and intuition are designed to work in harmony for us to achieve our potential intelligence?

Systems thinking may hold a key to integrating reason and intuition. Intuition eludes the grasp of linear thinking, with its exclusive emphasis on cause and effect that are close in time and space.  The result is that most of our intuitions don’t make ‘sense’ – that is, they can’t be explained in terms of linear logic.

Very often, experienced managers have rich intuitions about complex systems, which they cannot explain.  Their intuitions tell them that cause and effect are not close in time and space, that obvious solutions will produce more harm than good, and that short-term fixes produce long-term problems.  But they cannot explain their ideas in simple linear cause-effect language.  They end up saying, ‘Just do it this way.  It will work.’

As managers gain facility with systems thinking as an alternative language, they find that many of their intuitions become explicable.  Eventually, reintegrating reason and intuition may prove to be one of the primary contributions of systems thinking.

What is your experience uniting reason and intuition?