I took the city bus to and from school starting in kindergarten or first grade.  I remember riding my bike across the city to school one day (remember it because I found a $10 bill!)  I was probably left a bit too much to my own devices, could be described as a “latchkey kid,” or maybe just “normal life for a kid with a working single mom.”  Not a lot of supervision… but I also started my first business when I was 12 and had my own checking account, and was paying my own taxes by 16, and from then have had an (overly?) strong sense of responsibility and self-efficacy.  I learned it early: I am responsible for my life.

But I am not treating my kids this way.  When she was 8 or 9, Emma went into a shop by herself (mom in the car outside) and it was a big deal to let her be so independent.  We live in different times!  Or do we?  I’ve wondered for years if there really is more danger to kids today, or we’re just hyper afraid?

So I enjoyed a “Here and Now” show today interviewing Lenore Skenazy (listen to the story).  Skenzay wrote an article about letting her nine-year-old son ride the train home and unleashed a torrent of criticism that she’s “the world’s worst mom.”  Recently she wrote Free Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had, Without Going Nuts With Worry — showing some important data — she writes a blog on the topic.

The book presents extensive statistical evidence that there is LESS child predation today than 20 or 30 years ago, and, in fact it is FAR more likely that your child will be killed in your own car driving to school than be abducted.  Yet the thought of letting my 10-year-old take a bus downtown to get ice cream fills me with angst… and we put the kids in the car every day.

Just in case it’s not obvious:  People are NOT rational!

In the face of this irrational but completely real and horrible fear, the facts become nearly irrelevant — and then we start making decisions carelessly.  Applying emotional intelligence, we need to understand the source of the fear, recognize the pattern of reaction, and then evalute the consequences.  In the face of this horrifying fear of child predation, I stop the evaluation.  The trick isn’t to ignore the feeling, but rather to go further.  I’m clear how I feel about the immediate risks, but how do I feel about the long term?  How do I feel if I shelter them so much they lack self-efficacy?   If I teach them to be afraid of the world?

To be clear, I believe in sheltering kids.  There is much in the “real world” that I abhor, and I see little value in exposing them to it “so they’ll be able to cope.”  The kids at 8 and 10 don’t watch commercial TV, we preview movies that aren’t rated G, and we have chosen to leave the city and live in a pastoral community surrounded by oak-covered hills and farms.  Nor I do I believe in passing on a legacy of fear and helplessness.  So somehow we need to find a balance of risk and safety — and perhaps Skenazy’s factual data can help us do so.

Dr. Anabel Jensen, President of Six Seconds, once told me that if I would get any magazine it should be Scientific American Mind. She told me it would inform by trainings and my overall life! Little did I know at the time that she would be so right! In the February/March issue of Scientific American Mind the feature story is “The Serious Need for Play–How it Improves Your Creativity, Emotional Health—and Cuts Stress.”

As a former teacher (always a teacher!!) and administrator I had many discussions with fellow colleagues and school parents about the importance of play. I don’t mean soccer, baseball, theater practice, rollerskating, etc.although they are all great structured activities! I mean that wonderful time when our imaginations soar! I mean that time when children go out in the backyard and say to each other,”What should we play?” I submit that not enough children are getting enough time to learn how to create play out of free time. Many times they say, “I am bored. I have nothing to do.” We are providing great structured activities for them, but we are not always modeling for them how you take that amazing free time and build something of their own!

In the neighborhood in which I grew up I remember my friends and I telling each other we would get together at someone’s home and “”figure out what to do.” What followed was some playing with dolls, and much time writing stories we would share with the neighborhood, playing “Caveman” (an original game) in our basements, writing stories we would share with the neighborhood, portraying teachers, creating plays in which we would play all of the characters, and having tremendous fun. Not one time did we feel we were bored! We learned that free time provided us with an opportunity to create our own world! Now I know some of you may think I am romanticizing my childhood. I must tell you that that may very well be true, but it was just an amazing time to explore.

Back to the magazine article… In her article, Melinda Wenner reports,” in 42 years Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist, has interviewed about 6,000 people about their childhoods and his data suggests that a lack of opportunities for unstructured, imaginative play can keep children from growing into happy, well-adjusted adults. “Free play” as scientists call it is, critical for becoming socially adept coping with stress and building cognitive skills such as problem solving.”

The article continues with this very important data: “According to a paper published in 2005 in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, children’s “free play” time dropped by a quarter between 1981 and 1997. Concerns about getting their kids into the right colleges, parents are sacrificing playtime for more structured activities. As early as preschool, youngsters’ after-school hours are now being filled with music lessons and sports—reducing time for the type of imaginative and rambunctious cavorting that fosters creativity and cooperation.”

I could go on and on with the gems in this article. I suggest you get this issue of Scientific American Mind.  You can go to http://www.sciam.com/sciammind/

As we talk about how children develop social-emotional skills, I also submit that play is important for adults, too. Let’s all find some time for that wonderful, unstructured, play time! Also, let’s model for the children how exciting that time can be!

Source of the graph: http://ceel.psc.isr.umich.edu/pubs/papers/ceel013-00.pdf