For the past 20 years, my most rigorous exercise has been carrying my laptop around the world. Still, when I went to the doctor for a checkup (finally), I was surprised and dismayed by my blood pressure.  [This article was first published 12/21/2005 -- the good news:  I've come to like exercise!]

Over the years doctors have been saying, “you’re on the high end of normal, one of these days you’re going to have to deal with this”. In my fantasy, “one of these days” was not coming any time soon.
Since then, I’ve managed to exercise 30 of the last 34 days. It’s not so awful doing it, but thinking about it has been frustrating. Especially at the beginning, I felt trapped and powerless. I’m thinking of exercise as a punishment — how much time will I have to serve before I can go back to living how I want?

So while I’ve been successful at initiating some of the right actions, I haven’t fully addressed the emotional challenge. By force of will I can make myself exercise. I can say, “exercise or die. Let’s go,” and I get on Nordic Track. But internally it’s a battle, and that means I’m making myself a victim instead of a warrior, and it’s not a sustainable model.

At 3 and a half, my son can surely relate. He is somewhat indignant that he can’t do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to — and he makes it unpleasant for those of us who attempt to direct him otherwise.

It’s like the same thing in my head. On the one hand, I know all these benefits of exercising. I like the feeling afterwards, I like sleeping better, I like having more energy. I don’t like not being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want — so I throw these little tantrums.

Just like with Max’s tantrums, it was a great relief for me to realize I could just ignore mine. I could just say, “Go ahead and pout — I’m doing it anyway!” and get skiing. But also like trying to ignore Max’s tantrums, this is an energy drain. Read the rest of this entry »

Perhaps self evident:  When people are hurt or scared, we often protect ourselves by becoming spiky or hard – creating a shell or a wall.  As we shut down our feelings to prevent more distress, we shut down not just the painful feelings but all feelings.  As the spikes get sharper, the walls higher, we shut out not just the source of threat but everyone else.

In those times we have a choice — to be protected, isolated, and numb vs vulnerable, open, and vibrant.  While the latter sounds more obviously rich, it’s not a trivial risk.  When we “know” that the world is dangerous and people are “going to” hurt us, vulnerability isn’t an easy choice.

The paradox is that no matter how sharp the spikes nor high the walls, we’ll never be safe that way.  And, even more surprising – even miraculous – is that softening, opening, accepting… walking into the fires of vulnerability we actually find the deeper safety that we crave.

What’s the first step?

Gambro Dasco is a planning and production firm specializing in medical dialysis devices.  To create the right conditions for continued growth, the company implemented a program to strengthen team leaders’ Emotional Intelligence.

To initiate the project, Gambro Dasco’s Human Resources Manager, Sara Boldrini needed to secure funding for the effort, so the HR department became the nucleus to internally direct and promote the project. With their depth of understanding of the project’s financial and development needs, the Adecco Management School became a partner. Finally Six Seconds, the premier Emotional Intelligence network and training source, was asked to participate in all phases of the project.

PLANNING

The project’s planning and design resulted from the synergistic expertise of these three organizations.  Two parallel tracks emerged from a needs analysis; first was the necessity to work with individual managers to increase management skills and second was to create a team within the manager’s section.

A six-month development plan was designed to achieve these two goals, including:

1. four days of weekly class work;
2. three individual meetings specifically geared towards coaching and EQ skills assessment;
3. one outdoor training day; and
4. one day for follow up.

Classroom content was geared towards leadership, people skills and change adaptation.

Coaching focused on individual development. To address individual development, coaches and trainees (team leaders) designed a plan to address the trainee’s skills and vulnerabilities. In order to gain some measurement of progress these coaching sessions were developed as a complement to the classroom content.

The objective for the outdoor training was to create a team from a heterogeneous work force – and while not everyone knew one-another, a key goal was the acknowledgment of some long rooted company culture, e.g. how the firm’s top leaders impacted staff dynamics. Participants were divided into three subgroups for the outdoor training.  Each participant was also assigned an individual coach to increase the effectiveness of the trainees’ EQ skills.

RESULTS

The results of the project were surprisingly positive; in a little over four months, many of the initial objectives were reached.  Improvements included:

1. Assisting staff growth from executive professionals to more intentional leaders (sequential thought improved more than 19%).
2. Increasing participants’ awareness of their skills and vulnerabilities (self awareness has increased over 6%, with 10% increase on one of Six Seconds’ eight competencies: “Enhance Emotional Literacy”).
3. Enhancing communication and relationship skills so that new team members are enveloped with trust (the competency of “Increase Empathy” from the Six Seconds Model improved 5%).

As the Gambro Dasco Human Resources Manager, Sara Boldrini knows the difficulties encountered during the project as well as future expectations.  Ms. Boldrini states, “We are living in a phase of evolution and major change in which the proper use of emotions, the appropriate channeling of creativity and the ability to go beyond the set norm by  fusing approaches are key elements for today’s managers and for those who are first time team leaders.”

The project taught participants the very real possibility of integrating skills which offered intentional connection with people in every area of their lives.  Ms. Boldrini continues, “The enthusiasm and satisfaction that new leaders have for the skills they have learned must be nourished and cultivated; this is a challenge to all of us – ours as well as theirs to keep learning, to remain flexible and to continue to change.”

CONCLUSION

The positive experience of the Gambro Dasco staff demonstrates that an intergrated development program creates value in terms of people management.  Blending vital tools, coaching, and hands on learning fosters effective leadership.

In particular, the project succeeded by initiating a noticeable impact on the participants’ effectiveness in relationships, critical thinking management, and team motivation. Team responsiveness was increased and the internal climate is promoting an ongoing exchange of knowledge among the participants.

Bob Cudmore of WVTL, Amsterdam, NY, interviews Joshua Freedman about the new book, INSIDE CHANGE, how change works — and how emotion can make or break change efforts.  Topics include why 70% of change fails, how politicians have used the power of emotion to drive change, trust, and fueling personal change with positive emotion.

 

 Interview: INSIDE CHANGE on WVTL [9:50m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Six Seconds’ COO Joshua Freedman, coauthor of the new book INSIDE CHANGE, was interviewed today on WILY (Illinois) by Tootie Cooksie for the show, Hotline.  The 30-min podcast is available here (or download the mp3 file for your ipod).

 

 Standard Podcast [32:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Change is part of our lives – but despite all our experience 70% of organization change fails, and 60% of change failure is due to the people-side.  What do we do?  Joshua Freedman, coauthor of the new book INSIDE CHANGE discusses the solution in this radio interview with WILY’s Tootie Cooksie.”

Organizations Change Starting with People.

People Change Starting with Emotions.

This book shows you why… and how.

“INSIDE CHANGE provides a powerful and whole-minded approach to organizational transformation. Blending cutting-edge neuroscience with rock-solid business logic, this book will change the way you lead.”

Daniel H. Pink, author of A Whole New Mind and DRIVE

“INSIDE CHANGE is a solid, powerful book for every leader. The typical business approach to change just doesn’t work – this book will show you a better way.”
Alan Deutschman, author of Change or Die and Walk the Walk.

Drawing on a decade of experience applying emotional intelligence to leading change, Joshua Freedman (COO, Six Seconds global) and Massimiliano Ghini (Regional Director, Six Seconds Europe) provide a practical roadmap for making change work.  Whatever your approach to change, whether you’re driving LEAN or following the Kotter steps or supporting people in the Prochaska stages, you’ve seen that the human side – the emotional dimension – will make or break the process.  After all, less than 30% of change efforts succeed… and over 70% of the failures are due to people challenges.  How do you make sure you’re in the 30%?

For information and ordering options, see www.insidechange.net

Or order at a discount from Six Seconds (the publisher) (link: http://tinyurl.com/icorder )

After years of “sort of trying,” I’m almost entirely thrilled to have lost 30 pounds (the “secret” is about love and joy, not suffering, but that’s another article), but there are three big downsides:

1. People don’t know what to say to me. “You look great!” is nice. “Oh, you’re finally losing weight,” not so much. Yesterday @ Men’s Warehouse seeing if suits I bought last year could be tailored, “did this suit actually fit you??” (it was said with an impressed tone.)

2. As alluded above, my clothes don’t fit. Finally cleaned the closet (which looks great empty), but hate to buy many clothes as I’m committed to losing more…

3. Where I used to ignore my weight, now I’m very conscious of how fat I still am.

Patty keeps telling me I look great, and I’ve dropped about 4 or 5 sizes in my slacks, but I don’t quite believe it. Putting on the suit yesterday, I was shocked again. Who’s this guy with the baggy pants? I feel great. And, I’m still overweight (I find “obese” nauseating, but still true according to the annoying little “balance-board guy” in Wii Fit). So there are two stories: huge progress, significant work to do. Which gets more attention? I’ve had decades of thinking myself as fat. And, where I used to just pretend I didn’t care, I’m no longer willing to hang out in Club Denial (though it’s a very comfortable place — they even have cool ‘fun house’ mirrors there).

The thing is, denial is so easy. I didn’t have to think about my choices. Nice warm rolls in a restaurant? Bring on the butter! But now, I see these indulgences as, well, indulgences. Nice to have once in a while, but not a reasonable route for the day to day.

I love how strong I am now — not like I’m ready for a marathon or something, but the other week in Dubai I walked & jogged almost every morning. Voluntarily! I can climb a couple flights of stairs, or do 20 pushups, or other more fun activities and not be short of breath. I’m thrilled that I now actually LIKE exercise (gasp). But at the same time, I’ve become conscious that I don’t like the roll around my middle. So I’ve got this paradox, at the same time loving and disgusted by my body. That might be too strong a word, it’s not self-hate — but almost every day I notice my belly fat and want it gone.

Perhaps the most difficult part of change is that results come slowly. I mean, if I give up on those wonderful indulgences and exercise every day for a WHOLE long week, shouldn’t that produce results? Where’s the payoff?

Intellectually I KNOW that I’m in this for the long haul, it’s a lifestyle change, not a diet. I KNOW I took 30+ years to get into this state and it’s going to take more than a few months to get out of it. I KNOW I should be proud of the progress, and I am pleased with the last six months — in fact last year was one of the best in my life. It’s perplexing. I’ve got more energy than I can remember, I’m eager to get up the morning… and I’ve got a great excuse to buy more clothes! At the very same time, I’m dissatisfied, and I guess I’m afraid to fully believe this “good news.”

Max and I were at the sushi bar this evening and I indulged in my “restaurant vice” of listening to the conversations around us.

There was a guy about my age who seems to work in construction or trucking; he was talking with his buddy about the woman he’s been dating the last few months.  What intrigued me was his experience of beginning to build a relationship with the woman’s three daughters, and the “raking over the coals” they were giving him.  I was struck by the complexity of this situation, and was touched by the care – even reverence – he held for the situation.  At least to his buddy, he expressed no impatience, no regret, no blame, but you could hear some pain and uncertainty and hope all mixed in his voice as he shared what it’s been like to be introduced to the girls as their mom’s new “friend.”

While I was touched by his tenderness (though presented in a “guy” slap on the back fashion), I was also thinking that the poor guy’s in over his head.  As the generations roll on, we’re increasing the complexity and removing support systems.  Many, maybe most, of us are trying to do right by one another — but we don’t quite know how to navigate these new situations and roles.  While the logistics are not that daunting, the emotions are very messy; maybe it’s just that there are so many opportunities for “big” emotional experiences in all this social complexity?  And how do we learn to navigate this new terrain?  We’ve barely learned to cope with the world as it was, and each day we’re adding complexity — creating situations none of us is equipped to handle…. yet somehow, with luck and the many blessings that strengthen us, we stumble onward and sometimes it seems to work.

Talking to lovely grandparents, they were asking if I thought it strange how teens are so public, for example posting comments about crude behavior….  On the one hand I do find it strange.  Looking @ what videos are popular on myspace — why would someone post a video of drinking at a party… and why would 7 million people watch it?  On the other, isn’t this what teens have done for time immemorial?  In the “Grease days” it was “tell me more, tell me more, did you get very far?” (dan nah na na nah na nan nah.)  Now instead of bragging at the diner it’s posting a vid from your phone.

And yes, it’s much more public, but that’s one of the key differences for this generation – their connections are broad and thin vs narrow and deep.  Today it’s 500 “virtual friends” versus last century’s 5 “real world friends.”

“But those aren’t real friends,” says Grandma.  For you, they wouldn’t be – but for your grandson they are.  As “old people” we have a different definition, a different concept of connection.  Feeling connected is a primal – maybe even THE primal need; it appears we’ve accidentally changed the way people experience that connectedness.

This has profound implications at work.

Was talking to “Alia,” a 20-something who was frustrated that her bosses don’t “get” her and her generation.  “They think if we’re online we’re wasting time, but that’s how we network.  I spend hours online linking people to know about the company.”

Managers often tell me that the young generation is not motivated.  Au contraire – as we see with Alia, they are highly motivated… but motivated to their own approach.  Just ’cause us oldsters can’t engage that motivation doesn’t mean it isn’t there – it means we aren’t crossing the gap.  Affinity is like a tidal force, there’s little that’s as motivating.  In the recent past, affinity was to a company and a team and a place.  Now it’s squashed flat and spread wide.

Back to the grandparents, they were anxious how much time the boy spent on Facebook, and I asked if they had a fb page.  “No, we didn’t want to give in.”  Give in??  There is a gap!

I encouraged them to make one that night and invite their grandson as a “friend.”  Not because it’s fun for them to hang out on fb, but as a vehicle for creating common ground.  It’s only when we’re willing to make that common ground and step into the circle that we have a chance of connecting with, influencing, and engaging those on the other side of the gap.

MSNBC has a news article about institutionalizing the use of the phrase ‘at hope’ kids instead of ‘at risk’ kids using the legislative system. It’s an interesting idea and one that fascinates me very much. Language is so very powerful, often in ways we aren’t thinking about when we use it. Even when we decide to pay attention to our word choices it’s often difficult to be consistent. In addition, there are countless disciplines in the areas of science, social science, law and many others where specialized language is required. Or at least it is thought to be required. And sometimes it’s misused or used to disenfranchise others without the same knowledge base or education level. What about parents of a seriously ill child who become experts in complex medical terminology in order to be able to understand the situation their child is in and to track their progress in ways quite similar to their doctors?

In this case, perception is the issue. Using the phrase ‘at risk’ to describe a group of children lacking in basic resources for life has, for some, gone from a helpful tool used for change and to create urgency to a label that inadvertently blocks change and growth.

The arguments against the official change in wording are equally interesting and both sides are undoubtedly complicated by politics and economics. Overall this reminds me how central language is in our daily work and how important it is to be mindful and thoughtful about our choices. I think it’s also important not to be afraid to reevaluate language as we have done in many circumstances throughout history to make sure the current accepted norms continue to be the most relevant word choices to impart the meaning we desire.

Here’s the link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34826655/ns/us_news-life/

So, I know you’ve probably heard it everywhere in the last few days. I have too. What will we do differently this year?

Now, I’m not usually one for New Years resolutions, mostly because I feel like I make changes in my life when they’re necessary and it doesn’t generally correspond with a tidy date. However, waking up today on the 2nd of January and realizing there’s something I desperately want to accomplish gave me the idea of using the new year to actually further a plan for change this year. A plan to tackle one big, nasty, persistent problem in my life that I have just not handled effectively yet. Today I thought, “What if I could wake up a year from now and be able to say that for 364 days I had done this thing well?” Wow, I really liked that idea!  I needed a strategy for making change that was based on me, my patterns and my ‘operating system.’ And, for once, I liked the idea of attaching a number to it.

So, here’s to day 1 – January 2nd, 2010! What will inspire you to make changes this year? How well do you know yourself and use that knowledge to choose change strategies that will work for YOU? How much more effective can we be when we use our knowledge about ourselves to tailor our plans and when we’re not afraid to do things in a way that we know feels right to us? We’ll see how it goes for me. I’ll report back in a year, give or take a day…

In the Six Seconds EQ Model, the “capstone” is a competency we call “Pursue Noble Goals.” Members of the Six Seconds’ team were discussing this last week, and reflecting that especially in “tough times” it’s easy to feel stuck and have a sense that the work you really want to do is occluded by the “stuff you have to do.”When we say “pursue” Noble Goals, that could sound like, “I have to give up the day to day and totally focus on the truly significant.” Nice, but unlikely.

Pursue Noble Goals really means putting purpose into everyday action. If your purpose is supporting equity, how can you build more equity between the people in the elevator today? If your purpose is sustaining a vibrant earth, how can you change what you buy for lunch to be more sustainable? If your purpose is nurturing compassion, how can you think and feel as you wash the dishes so you end that experience more compassionate?

In other words:  Consider the alignment between WHAT you are doing each moment, each day — HOW your are doing that, and WHY?  Is your intention coming through both in the action and in the way that action is undertaken?

In promoting Satyagraha, nonviolent compassionate activism, Gandhi explained that you can not make peace through anger. Anger and violence make more anger and violence. Real peace only can be made through peaceful means. Sometimes we think the “end justifies the means,” but in this vision, the means IS the end and the end is made of the means. So when we talk about Pursuing Noble Goals, that’s the standard: Live it. It’s not something to work toward in the future, it’s a future to bring into the present. Everywhere, all the time.

Yesterday I came across a common situation at work and was frustrated mostly by how simple it seemed to make a change. A colleague finds himself feeling stuck, caught in a position between a demanding and sometimes irrational boss and a team that is dissatisfied and distrustful. The team has had many changes ‘thrust’ upon them over the last few months, many of which they did not anticipate. They are working hard but feel that at any moment expectations will change and all the hard work they have put in towards their current goal will be undervalued at best, thrown out completely at worst. To them, the decisions coming from upper management seem random, haphazard and unpredictable. It’s easy to imagine how a team in this situation could quickly feel marginalized and undervalued. One of their biggest complaints is that this manager, while sympathetic to their plight, also has to please the boss and sometimes seems as much an enemy as a friend.

This, to me, represents an enormous opportunity for change! So often in the work environment but also elsewhere in our lives, we ‘play the game’ or do what we feel is expected of us because we don’t think we can do it differently. We continue, stuck in a rut (or on an EQ escalator.) The only part of this equation that the manager has absolute control over is his role; his thoughts, his feelings and ultimately, his actions. By recognizing this and acting on it, he will effect change not just for himself but for everyone involved. There are many options here for him here: Have a conversation with his boss about how his team really feels. Have a conversation with his team about how he, as their manager, really feels. It seems that it is not that having these conversations is hard, it is realizing that we CAN have these conversations that is hard.

What stops him from doing this? Fear of an unknown outcome? Perhaps, but when it’s clear that the situation as it is now is stagnant, there is little to lose and much to gain. When others are touched by the honesty of our feelings and emotions, they often respond by being honest with their emotions as well. Couldn’t this change everything in the workplace? EQ skills, not just IQ. Emotions are contagious, change might be too?

Tidbit from my physical therapist:  When you’ve experienced a lot of pain, for example from a ruptured tendon, when you go to try to use that muscle again your brain says, “NO!”  Not because it hurts now, but because your brain “knows” that activity will be painful.

I’ve certainly experienced this in physical therapy with my knees… but also elsewhere in my life.  Before my dad died, for example, there were things I wanted to tell him, but I way afraid — not because it would hurt now, I suspect, but because by brain “knew” that activity would be painful.

So often we “protect” against the old and imagined hurts, and we don’t experience that we’ve grown past the memory of pain.

To get past it in physical injury, I have to risk, trust, hope, have an ally — and commit.  I suspect the same is true with the emotional injuries.

The world urges world leaders to:
Seal the Deal at COP 15 on a climate agreement that is definitive, equitable and effective.
Set binding targets to cut greenhouses gases by 2020 to avert the climate change threat.
Establish a framework that will bolster the climate resilience of vulnerable countries and protect lives and livelihoods.
Support developing countries’ adaptation efforts.
Seize this defining opportunity to protect People and the Planet.
Power green growth; launch the green, low carbon economy of tomorrow

2. Take part in Hopenhagen

"Hopenhagen is a movement created by the United Nations together with the International Advertising Association and a coalition of the world's leading advertising, marketing and media agencies to empower global citizens to ensure the world's leaders make the right choices for our planet and our future."