While I’ve never lived in another country, I have lived for long periods in the Midwest and California. As I moved from one region to another, I felt a seismic shift between two cultures that seemed radically different in their approach to emotions. Were my encounters atypical? Perhaps. Still, as I contemplate my 20-year study of the “inner life,” I’m fascinated by the differences I found—especially regarding anger.
At 26, I left the Midwest (and the Catholic Church) and moved to California. I began a 10-year odyssey, exploring theatre arts, psychology, and “consciousness studies” in Berkeley, San Francisco, and other mind-bending communities. I was surrounded by groups who explored their emotions without dodging the great taboo—anger. With talented professionals and earnest friends, I intrepidly began to explore my own inner minefield–sore spots, wounds, (complexes for the Freudian/Jungians out there) and springs of anger.
When I returned to the Midwest, I felt immediately disoriented. My family and friends seemed to have a radically different set of norms. While I had painstakingly learned to identify my feelings and gently admit them to others—now even the slightest acknowledgement of anger seemed to threaten my companions. All my hard-won inner knowledge and commitment to honest communication was suddenly destroying a fragile emotional ecosystem I no longer understood (or appreciated).
I’ve been back in the Midwest for 12 years now, longer than the time I spent in exotic California. I continue to explore my own inner landscape and the taboo of anger. In my workshops, it seems to be the emotion that most haunts my participants, especially the women. When I discovered the field of emotional intelligence, I was grateful for its validation of my own beliefs—that anger was a necessary emotion that should be examined, not repressed.
Have you experienced regional or cultural differences regarding different emotions?
Laura Lewis-Barr
Hi Laura,
It is so often unwanted – and I often hear a similar story from women, perhaps they’ve been told that “good girls” are “nice” —
And… anger is a brilliant, beautiful, powerful force for good… when harnessed with emotional intelligence!
EG, David Caruso’s post on this:
http://www.6seconds.org/2008/07/19/adaptive-emotions-anger-and-getting-a-message-acroos.html
I was talking w a client in Dubai who kept saying, “I have this anger and it’s bad…” and I kept trying to get across: It’s hard to make peace with yourself when you’re judging this part of yourself as bad. Some cultural factors came up in that discussion!
Hi Laura
What you have felt is exactly what all people feel when they change cultures. You definetly should read the book Third Culture Kids (TCK) by David Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken. The chapter on dealing with transtion covers the topic of anger. A must for those who have experienced situations like yours or to put it simply, those who have changed cultures (even within one’s own country). Enjoy the read.
Patti an AdultTCK Canadian, living in Italy